Birdsong
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A very clever idea, although I think you could cut the nest scene as (1) it's a continuation of the joke; (2) production costs (costumes, props, furniture, etc).
Also - Why not cut back and forth between the couple uttering niceties like 'Don't you just love, etc..' and each time you cut back to the birds - they 'twitter' ]u]but[/u] there are translation captions running at the bottom of the screen.
E.G.
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WOMAN
They're so cute; it's what nature's all about.
CUT TO BIRDS ON BRANCH. CLOSE-UP ON A BIRD 'TWITTERING' - TRANSLATION CAPTION RUNS AT BOTTOM OF SCREEN.
CAPTION
Yeh - like shitting on your head from a f**kin' great height!
CUT BACK TO COUPLE.
MAN
Yes, they're lovely. I had a budgie once. Sadly it died.
CUT BACK TO BIRDS ON BRANCH. CLOSE-UP ON OTHER BIRD 'TWITTERING' - TRANSLATION CAPTION RUNS AT BOTTOM OF SCREEN.
CAPTION
That's because you kept it prisoner in a cage you f**kin' sadist!!
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I echo what Morrace said above, the idea is a wonderful one. I think it's a great short punchy sketch which needs only continue the argument between the birds for a little longer whilst the couple coo inanely. Damn, why do the best ideas seem so simple but you never get them yourself?
Yeah agree with Lord S Rebecca.
This is a wonderfully simple idea and nicely executed too. it's so clever that one has to really wonder why nobody's ever picked it up before. Great spot on your part.
Only problem is that you've ruined birdsong for me now. Instead of hearing beautiful & melifluous music I'll be hearing a right old ding dong from now on.
How could you?
Yeah, Morrace, I really like the idea of cutting back and forth, you seemed to have articulated exactly what I couldn't put my finger on. The nest scene isn't necessary. I'll go and have a bit of a re-write and see if I can clean it up a bit.
Thanks for the feedback everyone (Blenkinsop, I'm always the one wondering why I didn't think of something! Oh the glory, the glory)