The Church Hall # 1

INT. A CHURCH HALL - DAY

A GROUP OF PEOPLE SIT AROUND IN A SEMICIRCLE. BEV, FEMALE EARLY FIFTIES, ADDRESSES THE GROUP.

BEV:
Welcome all. Remember there is nobody in this group judging anyone. We have with us this week a new visitor, Tony. Tony what would you like to share with the group?

C/U ON TONY. HE TOO IS IN HIS FIFTIES. HIS HAIR IS GREY AND IS TIED BACK IN A PONY-TAIL. HE LOOKS NERVOUS AND VERY UNCOMFORTABLE. HE STANDS UP SLOWLY AND ADDRESSES THE GROUP.

TONY:
Hi everybody. My name is Tony and I am...

HE TAILS OFF AND STARTS TO SIT DOWN.

BEV:
Remember what I said Tony. Nobody here in the group is judging you. Please feel free to share whatever you'd like with us. Courage Tony, we'll support you.

TONY FIDDLES WITH HIS HANDS. GOES TO STAND UP AGAIN BUT THEN MAKES AS IF TO SIT DOWN. HE LOOKS SHEEPISH.

BEV:
Tony trust me. There's nothing you can say that will shock us here. We will support you whatever. Please won't you share your burden with us?

TONY:
Ermmm...My name is Tony and I am...a Prog Rock fan. Please forgive me but last week I bought Tales From Topographic Oceans by Yes on CD. I didn't mean to but I was in HMV and suddenly...

UNIDENTIFIED VOICE:
Oh for f**k's sake! Right that's it, there are limits. I'm off!

END

I'll be honest I didn't find the punchline that brilliant- it is good compared to some of the stuff that gets citqued on this forum however the beigning bit was really good in keeping me genuienly interested in the punchline but I think you really should spend ages trying to come up with a good punchline then I think it will be a really good sketch.

Nicely written, but I'm not sure the prog rock tag line is of the moment.

Cheers Ronnie.

Punchlines are that magic ingredient aren't they? So often a sketch stands or falls because of them.

In this case I wanted to bring out the idea that admitting to liking Prog Rock is almost akin to saying that you approve of beastiality or something worse.

So I supose there was nowhere else to go with this one. It's part of a series of ideas I have using the Church Hall as a starting point.

Ta for commenting.

Quote: Ponderer @ February 9 2009, 11:50 PM GMT

Nicely written, but I'm not sure the prog rock tag line is of the moment.

View original

Hi Ponderer,

You're most probably right. It's just that I *am* a Prog Riock fan and I've spent this evening catching up with all that stuff that was on BBC 2 at Christmas.

Don't tell anybody but I actually have the entire Yes catalogue on CD. What's more I even have some bootlegs.

Oh God! Now I just feel dirty.

Would be interested in seeing the other sketches as, as I say it was really well built up.

I'll post the next one soon Ronnie. It's an idea I have for a longer piece about the Church Hall being the focal point for a series of events/meetings.

I also was intrigued at the start, but I think the support group setup is a bit done to death. Having said that you could amp up the punchline by having another member of the group admit to truelly awful deeds or thoughts before he admits to the progrock. Then have that person be the one to be seriously disgusted.

Quote: Stuart Doherty @ February 10 2009, 12:23 AM GMT

I also was intrigued at the start, but I think the support group setup is a bit done to death. Having said that you could amp up the punchline by having another member of the group admit to truelly awful deeds or thoughts before he admits to the progrock. Then have that person be the one to be seriously disgusted.

View original

Yes Blenks, I think Stuart is onto it. Do it as a rule of three, with the first two confessing to hideously vile acts (to little condemnation) and your prog-rocker horribly slaughtered when he "confesses".

I don't understand the joke - what's humorous about prog rock? Maybe you should change the punchline to "hip-hop rapping" - bloody awful music. Or "dance" or "techno music".

I enjoyed this very much though.

I'd agree that prog rock is a poor target cos 1) how many people nowadays would even understand what it was referring to? and 2) um, actually I only had the one objection.

As for the meat of the sketch, I think you could usefully jetison Bev's first line. As soon as we see the group and Tony stands up, we'll know what's going on.

The rule of three comment is a good one. To keep it short you could have Bev say what the previous two attendees had admitted to:

"we've heard from Jeff the kleptomaniac and chicken-f**ker John, and they both found it very useful..." kind of thing.

Hi Blenks

Agree with some sentiments above: is prog rock offensive/weird enough for your build-up. Probably not. Might work better with a different target but the same basic sketch.

Or, if you want a weirder sort of vibe, make everyone in the group like prog rock and, after a while, lots of the local community barge in and chase them out of the village. You'll need to let the local paedo group rebook the room again (or something) for the joke to work properly.

Dan

Hmmm.

This was written with a very narrow target audience it seems. But it's something that Prog Rockers are only too well aware of.

That sharp intake of breath when others find out your dark and deep secret. Having to buy your albums from faceless men down dark alleys.

God sometimes how I wish that I liked pop. You lot have got it easy with your "Take Thats", your "Feelings" and your "Kaiser Chiefs".

It's just too much do you hear! Too much for any man to take. I'm off now to put on all 4 sides of Topographic Oceans.

I also think that something weird has to be going on in the room prior to the prog rock announcement or as has been said we hear some shocking stuff initially that Bev takes in her stride. Something like:

Did flow nicely though and has potential.

Quote: Blenkinsop @ February 10 2009, 4:48 PM GMT

But it's something that Prog Rockers are only too well aware of. That sharp intake of breath when others find out your dark and deep secret. Having to buy your albums from faceless men down dark alleys.

View original

I too know that shame. I feel yours and my own pain in this writing, Blenks. But surely it could be worse, we could be death metal fans, eh?

This is a good sketch but I'd go with Badge (and James) re: the build-up.

Quote: Blenkinsop @ February 10 2009, 12:03 AM GMT

It's just that I *am* a Prog Riock fan and I've spent this evening catching up with all that stuff that was on BBC 2 at Christmas.

Don't tell anybody but I actually have the entire Yes catalogue on CD. What's more I even have some bootlegs.

View original

Well, don't use the forum for your perversions. there must be websites for this sort of thing.

While we're doing the confession thing: aging punk over here although that seems to provoke less vitriol.

I wonder if you could have the guy admit to 'the p=word' and they could say 'don't worry john over here is a kiddie fiddler' etc? Not sure if it would help, just a thought.