JACK
There is no one around me who I can relate to at the moment. No one. I'm like Daniel Day Lewis in that film. I look at people and I see nothing worth liking.
SEAN
But you do have friends. You're always with Will and Andrew and... yeah. You're with them all the time.
JACK
That doesn't mean we like each other. Not necessarily.
SEAN
(Irritated) That's a kind of stupid thing to say. You choose to hang out with them for like every day of your life, and now you say you don't like them? You've got no-one to blame but yourself.
JACK
Actually that annoys me. It's like when people say that expression, that expression that says you don't choose your family but you do choose your friends. That's bullshit. I mean sometimes you choose a "friend" but they don't choose you. It has to be a two way decision. It's not like buying a pet; it's like... going on one of them dating sites. You might choose the six foot blonde with sparkling blue eyes and soft pale skin. But if you're a three foot bloke with a bloated stomach, hairy complexion and thick, bushy mono-brow then, well, you're f**ked.
There is a slight pause.
SEAN
What's wrong with being three foot, then?
JACK
Oh, ha f**king ha.
SEAN
No seriously. I don't see what's wrong with midgets at all, and neither do most people. Your depiction of the blonde woman as that shallow is extremely misogynistic.
JACK
Ignore the midget! I'm just trying to say...
SEAN
Oh you want people to ignore midgets now do you? This is not good Jack, not good. Anyway, there is no reason why a fat, hairy midget would be a turn off – in fact it's often quite the opposite. I could show you this website where...
JACK
Oh shut up. You're always making fun, fun, fun! But you know what you are, Sean? You are a piece of... dick!
SEAN
Piece of dick? What kind of retarded insult is that?
They sit in silence for a while.
SEAN
It sounds almost sexual if anything.
JACK
I'm trying to pour my heart out here, Sean. I really am. And you just... you just... eugh!
SEAN
Whatever mate, at least I like my friends.
JACK looks at SEAN, who smirks.