POPE BENNY IS HAVING A NAP CARDINAL SIN WAKES HIM
CARDINAL
Pope Benny, Pope Benny time to wake up. Heath Ledger's been raised from the dead and he wants to kiss your ring.
POPE WAKES UP
POPE
Where? Where? Oh it's you Cardinal Sin didn't I excommunicate you? What do you want?
CARDINAL
Pope Benny you have been a very, very naughty pope.
POPE
Oh God I didn't piss off of the balcony, that was only once and I was drunk.
CARDINAL
No Pope Benny you haven't made any more widdle baptisms, you reaffirmed bishop Williams as a bishop.
POPE
So what I am Pope Benny, I make my cat archbishop whiskers if I like.
CARDINAL
He is a holocaust denier. He said Aushwitz was all a lie.
POPE
Oh you see I am a deaf old pope. I heard he had an arse that was fit and was fly.
CARDINAL
The Jews are very angry.
POPE
So what I don't care, what's wrong with the Nazis anyway? I was in the Hitler Youth, I won a medal for having the shiniest helmet.
CARDINAL
Well the British Chief Rabbi Jonathon Sax wants a word with you.
POPE
Send him in!
CARDINAL
Really?
POPE
Too right I want cheap rabid johnny sex!
2
ALISTAIR DARLING WALKS IN ON GORDON BROWN WHO IS SMATTERED WITH BLOOD AND IS NAWING ON A BONE.
DARLING
Er Gordon have you seen Mandelson any where?
GORDON
He's around.
DARLING
Around where?
GORDON
Around my lower intestine at the moment I'd think.
DARLING
Good grief you ate him!
GORDON
Don't act so surprised as a government we've been absorbing the banks toxic debts. So I thought I'd absorb the toxic morons in my cabinet.
DARLING
You ate them? That's monsterous!
GORDON
Well I ate Jaqi Spliff first but I got really hungry after her, hungry and with a big desire to listen to some Hendrix. Then Mandelson asked me to gobble him/
DARLING
Don't look at me like that you mad ogre.
GORDON
Fee fi fo fum, I smell the blood of chancellor, be he Labor or be he red I'll grind his bones, cos we're in the red.
DARLING
Help no, don't Gordon my eyebrows are carceogenic!
GORDON
Get in my belly I'm the primeminister I outrank you.
CHASES DARLING OFF STAGE.