You can't teach an old dog how to juggle flaming clubs whilst riding a unicycle.
Dan
Joke Formulas - Number One - Twisted Cliches Page 2
Red sky at night, shepherd's delight.
Minced beef and potato, shepherd's pie.
Is my glass half full or half empty? who cares, either way it needs filling!
On a point of order, sillysausage, minced beef and potato is Cottage Pie. Shepherd's Pie is minced lamb and potato.
It seems a shame to allow a culinary faux-pas ruin what is an excellent joke.
Too many cooks... on telly
The proof of the pudding is in the need for a stomach staple.
Red sky at night Shepherd's delight, red sky in the morning nuclear warning.
Sigh a classic from CND.
Well I'll go to the top of the stairs and leave a roller skate for you, you Yorskshire bastard.
If at first you don't succeed, seed sucking's probably not for you.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, I persnoally find a handgun more effective.
It's always darkest before dawn - unless you live in Iceland.
Children should be seen and not heard - so when you're watching child porn, be sure to mute the sound.
They say every cloud has a silver lining but in fact, as they are just a visible mass of droplets or frozen crystals floating in the atmosphere above the surface of the Earth, you cannot line them with silver or any metallic element for that matter.
An anti joke!
A cat always lands on it's feet, but it's not much help if you drop it from a plane.
While the cats away, your house smells better.
You can't teach an old dog Chaos Theory.
You can't teach an old dog to do an impression of James Bolam in a popular BBC comedy drama