British Comedy Guide

Getting Married Again

Zsa Zsa Gabour is sat on a sofa with her PA.

ZZ : $10million dollars gone! Wiped out! I'm ruined.

PA : It's terriable Zsa Zsa. That Madoff fella has got a lot to answer for.

ZZ : I just don't believe it, Darling

PA : I mean fancy preying on rich folks and then just running away with their money.

ZZ : Umm....yes well. Anyway there is just one thing for it.

PA : What?

ZZ : I'm going to have to get married again.

PA : But your 92!

ZZ : I've still got my looks you know Darling. Right lets draw up a list of contenders. How about Charlton Heston?

PA : Dead, I'm afraid.

ZZ : Oh dear. What about Paul Newman then. Paulie was always very keen on me.

PA : Dead too, unfortunately.

ZZ : Patrick McGoohan?

PA : Nope.

ZZ : Bloody Hell, I'm going to have to take up necrophilia at this rate!

PA : That's what your last husband said.

ZZ : What? You have to speak up you know I'm a bit deaf.

PA : What's that smell?

ZZ :That'll be my colostomy bag. We'll change it after we sort out my new husband.

PHONE RINGS

PA: Hello Miss Gabour's PA speaking.

PAUSE. COVERS HANDSET

PA: Wow, I don't believe it. It's Daniel Craig on the phone. He wants to you take you out to dinner. How do you do it?

ZZ : Daniel Craig?

PA: Yeah. James Bond himself.

ZZ: Tell him to piss off. I'm not marrying a minger you know.

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