British Comedy Guide

Weirdest Dreams Page 42

I dreamt I had a gig to play at, but my amp was missing. I could see other acts around, who looked nervous about going on, and were dressed up in crappy outfits. Typically of my dreams, I don't get to relive the exciting bit on stage, just the boring bit leading up to it.

The weirdest of all time? Student accommodation. Rooms in a big building. Mine overlooked a graveyard. It had a sash window and I used to keep the butter and peas on the window ledge as there was no fridge. Most of my mates lived in other places but one was on the same corridor around the L shape. We were very different in temperament from each other but tended to connect mentally in an unusual way. It was 5.45 am and I was awake but in a half-sleeping sort of way. It was still dark. Suddenly I heard the most God almighty crash at the window and the sound of children's voices from two floors down. Cockney voices which was weird because I was in a northern city, albeit renowned for its ghosts. Anyhow, I assumed it was a stone that had been thrown. And my instinct was to immediately turn over on my front in case it hit me.

And then it hit me on the back of the neck and stayed there. Obviously it wasn't a stone. While shrieking out in horror, I put my hand to the back of my neck and it was like feathers. Presumably a bird. I leapt out of bed only to get back on it at the end by the window. Sitting there, I couldn't see a bird or a stone but I was shaking from head to toe. I thought "I've got to get out of this room" and headed for the toilet down the corridor. On my return, I went into a very deep sleep and dreamt. I was in a pub that I didn't know. My usual pub friends were there but while I was on a bar stool facing into the pub, I was also at a circular table to the right. So were my friends and we were all playing cards for money. It wasn't something we had ever done in real life. Across the bar room, darts were flying from right to left towards a dart board. And at the end was another round table where a woman with golden hair was seated seductively. Suddenly, the room seemed to tip as if we were actually on a boat. I glanced behind me to the bar and all I could see was glass and the colour orange. There was no bar behind the bar. Just a solid wall, unlike in most of the pubs I knew. Around midday, I awoke and felt relaxed but I thought it had been a very odd night. It troubled me hugely.

Feeling in need of hearing a normal voice, I went along the corridor and knocked on my mate's door. When he opened it, he looked as white as a ghost and said "don't say anything before I've said something". That was very difficult in the circumstances but I did keep quiet. He said "I've got to tell you, I've had the most peculiar dream of my life". I said "that's weird, so have I and I'm not entirely convinced the first part was a dream in the usual sense." I went in to his room. He said that he had been in my car with two of our other mates. We had been on some road heading towards Whitby which is itself known for being a place of ghosts. He said he had been giving directions to me and I was just taking the route that I thought. Suddenly it seemed like I was going to drive everyone over a cliff, he panicked, and then my car did precisely what he feared and flew into the air. Not able to get out, he was horrified to think that he would die in that way but the car first dropped and then it rose to a point where it just stopped in mid-air. It was purgatory, he said, and he felt oddly relaxed about it. He had always wondered what purgatory was like. Needing to get out of his room, he had gone to the toilet on his part of the corridor at, yes, 5.45 am.

Anyhow, I then explained my dream. This fellow hailed from North Yorkshire and immediately recognised the pub in my dream as the one he used locally whenever returning to his parents. It was Scarborough/Whitby way and all of the things I described were exact. The wall, the tables, the position of the dartboard, the glass and the orange colour which belonged to Camerons brewery. In his opinion, the dreams had dovetailed what with it being on the same road. He added that there was only one place in Britain where it was legally permissable to play cards in a pub for money. That apparently was in that part of North Yorkshire, not that I knew it. Suddenly there was a knock on the door and it was the rest of our mates. We told them what had happened and they said "what a load of rubbish". They were particularly scornful of the part of mine about the back of my neck and joked that it might have been a bat. To prove it wrong, they decided that they needed to have a look at the back of my neck, at which point everyone became hysterical. There was a mark there like a bite mark according to them and at that point I just argued against what I had said although I believed it. It all seemed too ridiculous for words. So they got a mirror out and forced me into seeing it and sure enough there was a bite sized mark there. Years later, I was with different friends - one from Leeds and the other from London - in a pub in Cornwall describing this memory and one said to me "you realise that there's a dart board immediately behind you". I didn't so turned round and immediately behind the game of darts there was a woman at a circular table with golden hair. Unfortunately, this isn't my greatest BCG post. Had we ever spoken, it might well have been but I really didn't feel that I could risk it.

The other night I dreamt that my friend and I were getting books and stationery for the new school year from the newsagents.

No idea where it came from. It's been more than ten years since we were at school and even then we never got books together.

I think I might have seen one to many back to school ads. (Australian school year starts tomorrow and finishes in December

I was camping last night and had a dream that Nil Putters Was on the campsite and I. Knew it was him because his number plate was PUTTERS 1. We had a chat and he was a very nice man. Shame he isn't around much these days.

Nil is just the sort of person you've got to Lego.

Quote: Lee @ 8th August 2015, 12:28 AM BST

Nil is just the sort of person you've got to Lego.

>_<

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