Jacqui Smith and Harriet Harman are having a clandestine meeting at the Granita restaurant.
HH :Listen Jacqui, the time has come to strike.
JS : I'm not sure about that Harriet, look what happened to the miners.
HH: No. The time is here to strike at the oppressive male leadership of the labour party.
JS : Too right. Labour? What do men know about the realities of labour?
HH : Only women bleed!
JS: Not strictly true. Alistair's nose spurted a fair amount of claret when Gordon twatted him last week.
HH : Look at the cock up's we've had dealing with this credit crunch.
JS: Yeah that f**king David Milliband is always trying to his cock up me!
HH : We'll launch a leadership bid, carve up the power between us, and then go on to fight and win the next general election.
JS : The election? How the hell will we win the next election. Let's face it we don't have a f**king clue.
HH: Don't worry I've recruited an expert.
JS: An expert?
HH: Someone who has plotted a victory before.
JS: I'm listening.
HH: Someone who has experience of winning despite being unpopular with the vast majority of the population.
JS: Go on.
HH: Best of all she's a woman.
JS : My God. Margret Thatcher. You've managed to get Maggie to change sides.
HH: Don't be so stupid, Jacqui – she's far too ill to fight an election for us.
JS : Who is it then?
HH : Ulrika Jonsson