I've just found a batch of old sketches from about three years ago. In each case the sketch features a Headmaster walking up to a classroom door with 2 people from Ofsted. He stops before entering the room to talk to them.
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HEADMASTER: Now, in this class the pupils are studying R.E.
He opens the door and we see the pupils concentrating hard and looking at the blackboard. The blackboard shows the R & E in 3 foot letters and nothing else.
HEADMASTER: By the end of term we're hoping to be able to teach them the rest of the alphabet.
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HEADMASTER: Now, in this classroom we have 2nd year Geography.
He opens the door and we see an empty room.
HEADMASTER: Oh. (BEAT) Maybe they got lost, ha ha! (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
CUT TO SCHOOLCHILDREN TRUDGING THROUGH A SNOW STORM.
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HEADMASTER: This is the staff room. It's where the staff can do the marking of school work or take a break from the rigours of the modern education system. (SMILES)
He opens the door and we see a teacher about to use the cane on an army corporal who is bent over a desk. His stripes are clearly visible.
HEADMASTER: Mr Turner! You know as well as I do that we do not allow corporal punishment in this school!
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HEADMASTER: Now for the biology lab. Neither of you are squeamish I hope? (SMILES)
He opens the door and we see all the pupils in clinches and snogging each other as if their lives depended on it.
HEADMASTER: Hmmm, of course it could it physical education - I can never make up my mind which.
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HEADMASTER: This school prides itself on its standards and the standard in our art class is very high indeed.
He opens the door and we see a gorgeous young female teacher in a skimpy outfit with a low cut top as leans over a pupil to look at his work.
HEADMASTER: I may not know much about art but I know what I like. (LICKS HIS LIPS)
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HEADMASTER: Ah, the music room. This is a very important time for the school as we're in rehearsals for the school play.
He opens the door and we see children singing and playing recorders etc.
HEADMASTER: (WINCES) Ghastly aren't they? Absolutely awful. I've been dreading the performance since the first day of term.
