HOW DO YOU WANT IT

Husband about to get in wife, in bed. (This is a wude one, do not read if you dont like wude)I am gonna bombard you all in a haze of sketch bullets

WIFE
Why do i always have to bend over, dont you like looking at my face

HUBS
Well you dont have to, we can do whatever position you want.

WIFE
You get on top then.

HUBS
Hmmmm! We always do that one, its getting boring.

WIFE
You dont wanna do it that way because you can see my face, and my face obviously distresses you.

HUBS
Okay okay i dont want to row i will get on top then.

WIFE.
No dont bother, It will be like forcing you now, almost rape, lets just do everything you want to do, i will bend over.

HUBS
How about you get on top, that way i can see your beautiful face.

WIFE
I have to do all the work dont i. I have to do everything.

HUBS
I am not in the mood now

WIFE
Why because of my face

HUBS
Lets just get it over and done with.

WIFE
F**K off, you aint touching me now with Brad Pitt's.

HUBS
Fine! Goodnight. All this hassle & I cant tell the difference between your face and arse anyhoo

BUMP>>>>>LOL

Like the others weren't wude. I started grinning before I'd read the thing. This is the point where I've gone back to read it.

I've read it now. Actually I was expecting a bit more....

Sorry Hun. If i mention Fanny Craddocks and Willy Wonka's does it make it more Wude. lol. I just dont wanna offend, yet i suppose in some cases thats the point.lol
heres an add.

WIFE
Is it in yet?

Hubs
It's been in for 4 minutes

WIFE
Sorry i cant feel a thing. Pass me 4 kleenex. (wipey wipe)

HUBS
Still feels a bit loose, maybe you are too big

WIFE
How dare you, maybe you are too small

WIFE
This is ridiculous, give it some throttle

HUBS
I am throttling as hard as i can

WIFE
I bet my neck would recieve more throttle, your not too good at this eh!

HUBS
I have never had any complaints

WIFE
Us English are too polite, we just dont normaly go back rather than complain.

HUBS
You married me

WIFE
I was'nt thinking straight, just get it in and thrust man.

HUBS
Can't now, its limp.

WIFE
Look you packet O crips, what do i have to do.

HUBS
Kiss it. That always makes it respond.

WIFE
Look years ago i could open my mouth this wide (O)now i can only open it this wide (o).

HUBS
Typical. I aint grown for your mouth and shrunk for your bucket.

WIFE
No! But there is no need for my mouth cause my bucket has clinched you

Fanny Craddock? Haddock? Ah - cockney rhyming slang

David Did u like my add on???

Brilliant - is it an artificial one?

Its whatever you want it to be.
How do you take your's????????????????????

WIFE
Is it in yet?

Hubs
It's been in for 4 minutes

Has it pinged yet?

Thats good!!

5 gold stars to the David.*****