This is my first piece of writing in quite some time. This isn't a sketch or even a sitcom, but rather the first of a three-four part short story based upon a dream I had.
This first part isn't based upon the dream, but is rather some supplementary info to give a reason as to why they are doing what they are doing in the second part. My writing style isn't the regular sort you'd see in short stories: there a big focus on the surreal and breaking the fourth wall which will become apparent later on, and my stories have little structure on continuity.
Anyway, be as positive or negative as you wish, although be nice because this is my first proper comedy piece (stories I wrote in the past were more adventure or sports oriented).
"The Double Deception of Decietful Deciet
A Surreal Journey of Unepic Proportions by Magnus
Part 1: The Journey Begins
Our story begins with our three protagonists, Michael, Daniel and John Davies, in their small, rather poorly furnished flat in London. All three were sitting down to breakfast in the kitchen. It was toast, which they were enjoying, and Michael was filling in a paticulairly difficult crossword.
Well, they were enjoying the toast as much as they could: the bread was old and mouldy, and they had run out of butter weeks ago. And Michael had been working on his crossword since last Tuesday, having only solved three words so far.
"Let's see" said Michael. "A five letter word meaning a person lacking in intelligence. It's no use, I just don't know." He threw the crossword and pen onto the table in frustration.
"How about plank?", suggested Michael. "As in you complete and utter plank."
"Didn't that word used to be used on a TV show or something?", questioned John.
"Yeah", agreed Daniel. "It was something like, you planker Ridley wasn't it?"
Michael then suddenly had a moment of inspiration. Through the inane ramblings of his housemates, he had figured out the correct answer.
"I've got it", proclaimed Michael. "The word I'm looking for is moron, as in I'm surrounded by a bunch of complete and utter morons."
"Hey", fumed Daniel. "At least it didn't take us a week to figure out four words in a freakin crossword! Why, I finished mine the very day I got the paper."
"If I remember correctly, you ripped it out of the paper with your teeth, crumpled it up, stomped on it and threw it in the bin while yelling "that isn't funny", Michael pointed out.
Before Daniel had time to come up with an equally witty reply, they were interrupted by the ring of the telephone. It caught them by surprise, not only because they had recieved a phone call for the first time in many years, but because they were surprised that they hadn't been cut off already.
Once they found the phone under the mess of their living room floor, Michael picked up the reciever and answered. It was the landlord.
"It's the landlord here", remarked the landlord in case we didn't know it was him already. After all, nobody else had their phone number.
"It's the landlord." said Michael to Daniel and John, the repition now negating the point of the narrator.
"You know perfectly well it's me, I just told you ", pointed out the increasingly angry landlord. "You haven't paid your rent in four years, and since you moved in four years ago, that means you've never paid the rent, ever. I've lost patience with you, so you can take your stuff and get out. if you don't, I'll be down there to mount your heads on my wall" The landlord then hung up without even waiting for a reply.
The boys realised that this was serious, and that even though the landlord would be arrested if he did what he said he was going to do, they decided that they should probably be on their way to be safe.
"Well, we'd better pack our stuff then", said Daniel, pointing out the obvious.
"Yes, it looks like we haven't got a lot of choice in this paticulair situation", agreed Michael.
"But where can we go, and what will we do?" asked Daniel, becoming scared at the thought of becoming a homeless person, when in fact he was now indeed a homeless person.
Michael and Daniel returned to the kitchen to think things through before they left. John, who had been fairly silent to this stage, was reading the latest National Geography magazine. Well, we say the latest, but this magazine was dated July 2002, and even then he had bought from a car boot sale with 10p he found on the pavement.
Michael glanced across at John, and spotted the front cover of this paticulair issue. It displayed a hiker walking through the fields on a beautiful sunny day. This picture suddenly gave Michael the idea he was looking for.
"I've got it", exclaimed Michael. "While we may be homeless, we can at least make the best of this situation. Instead of sitting on street corners, begging for pennies so we can buy a few cans of beer, while wearing plastic bags on our feet, let's go out and explore the world, looking at the wonders of nature and earn our fortune."
"Actually, I kind of like that first idea more...." Daniel began to say.
"Shut up!" Daniel shouted, pretty much ending Daniel's resistance before it had properly begun.
"I like it, let's go.", said John. Miraculously, John had in the space of a minute, while Michael and Daniel had been talking, packed all of the stuff they needed into a single rucksack. And just in time to, because the landlord had arrived. Who knows how he had got there so quickly, but then again, little has made sense so far.
"Quick, let's go out the back door", said Michael in a panic, as the landlord had now started chopping down the door with a large axe. And indeed, they managed to escape out of the door just in time, before the landlord could do his rather dastardly deed. Yes, this was the beginning of what would be a very interesting journey. At least now, they wouldn't be on a street corner sipping from an empty beer can, or worse, hanging on the landlords wall. Whatever happened next, they were now ready for anything (except what would happen next).
END OF PART ONE"