INT. DAY. HOME.
A TEEN(LEE)IS ON HIS GAMES CONSOLE WHEN HIS GRANDAD(BILL) APPEARS.
BILL:
Yo Lee! I said yo Lee!
LEE: (playing console)
Hi grandad.
BILL:
Ahem, notice anything different?
LEE:
What are you wearing? Been to a jumble sale?
BILL:
No, no. I'm just back from The White Isle, Beefa.
LEE:
You went to Ibiza, at your age.
BILL:
Yeah, went on one of those Overseas And Plastered packages, Club OAP.
LEE:
I suppose you went clubbing too?
BILL:
Indeed I did, I went to a superclub called, erm, what was that place called?
LEE:
Amnesia?
BILL:
Thats the one. Took some gear.
LEE:
Drugs, bleeding hell grandad. What sort?
BILL:
Well, started off on TCP then snorted some lines of Ovaltine and two big pills of Steradent to keep me going.
LEE:
They must be new on the market. (PAUSE) What big name DJ's were playing?
BILL:
DJ Blue Rinse, he's one of my favourites. Starts off with a bit of deep bungalow then hardcore granny flat till 6am.
LEE:
Your eyes are gone for the world still Grandad.
BILL:
That's probably my cataracts.(PAUSE) And I copped off with this old bird.(SINGING)I'm feeling fantastic, really boombastic, Mr. Lover Lover.
LEE:
Oh my god! What if gran finds out?
BILL:
Finds out? She was in bed beside me (SINGING) There were three in the bed, when the pensioner said, roll over, roll over.
LEE:
Shit!
BILL:
And a word of advice from your ole gramps. If an elderly lady ever says to you 'with teeth or without', go for the without option, he, he.
LEE:
That's disgusting. Where's gran?
BILL:
She's left me for Maud across the road.