Is there Life on Mars?
W: I'm here with Professor Russell Bowes-Lyon lead research consultant on the planet Mars project.
P : Good afternoon, my dear.
W : Professor. Methane has been found on the planet surface. Is this proof that life exists?
P : Well possibly.
W: Possibly?
P : Possibly. Well we started off with the theory that the methane was actually being produced by a giant herd of cows.
W: Sorry? I thought you said a giant herd of cows?
P: Yes, I did. Clearly a giant herd of cows would produce a lot of methane.
W : Are you serious? How the hell could there be cows on Mars?
P: Yes my dear, very astute of you. We soon binned that idea because clearly cows could not be living on Mars.
W : Nice to see the funding money is going to good use.
P: Yes clearly there could be no cows on Mars because there is no grass and even more importantly one there to milk them!
W : To milk them? No one there to milk them? You'll be telling me the moon is made of cheese in a minute.
P : Ah but it is. That's because the heifers on the moon are being milked you see!
W : Are you sure you are a space professor?
P : Of course I am little one.
W: Right so can we conduct a serious scientific interview then please?
P : No problem. So what we did is analyse a sample of the methane gas.
W : What were your results?
P : Well the chemical break down suggested an interesting new theory.
W : Can you expand on that?
P : Well we now think there may be a massive naughty schoolboy stranded on Mars and he is trying to light his farts to attract attention.
W : For f**ks sake!