Fruit

INT. FRUIT NAMING BOARD.

BOSS:
Right, what have we got next?

LACKEY:
There's this one, Clive. This round, orange thing.

BOSS:
Skin's a bit tough.

LACKEY:
Yeah, you peel it off. And if you squeeze it, I reckon you could sell the juice in tiny bottles in pubs for a fortune.

BOSS:
Right. So it's round, and it's orange... I think a name suggests itself. We'll call it ... a round.

LACKEY:
Won't that cause confusion in pubs, Clive?

BOSS:
All right, an orange, then. What's next?

LACKEY:
All bad news. They've knocked back your idea on the furless peach.

BOSS:
They didn't like alopeachia?

LACKEY:
They've gone with, erm, nectarine.

BOSS:
That's rubbish. That's got nothing to do with peaches.

LACKEY:
And no luck with the grape idea.

BOSS:
What?

LACKEY:
Swindon's already claimed it for those little round ones that come in bunches.

BOSS:
Ah, bollocks! All right, we'll call it a yellow.

LACKEY:
Clive, you can't just name fruits after their colour all the time. Besides, I think Swindon's got first dibs on that for the long curved thing they found.

BOSS:
I thought they were calling that a "jaundicecock." I know! I know the very thing that will stop the confusion.

LACKEY:
What? Something to distinguish it from the other sort of grape?

BOSS:
Yes! We'll call ours a grape-fruit.

I like the concept here and there are some nice lines (e.g. about the grapefruit) but unfortunately the punch isn't one of them. Work on the ending and I think it could be a winner.

Thanks for your comment, Ponderer. I've rejigged it to make you look, at best, a bit inconsistent, and, at worst, mental. Sorry.

This is an excellent idea. The punch is still letting it down but a great idea.

Yes.

Good.

Punch needed.

*Ouch!*

Hmmm. Yeah. I think the grape-fruit line is good but not a punch line. Maybe some guy could turn up with a fruit he wants to use as a vegtable and get told to f**k off? Or perhaps not given that it looks shit written down.