The Hard Shoes

Deleted

I enjoyed this - I like your style (I've read some of your other stuff).
You're right,the gagometer isn't exactly ringing off the wall but that's fine by me, as I think we share a love of the same style of warm, comedy/drama.

I absolutley believe the characters, although, ironically (see comment below), I think Brian changes his mind too quickly at the mention of the Paddy Mafia -seems to come from nowhere a little.

I really want to know what happens next and can see a 'Full Monty'/'Brassed Off' in the making.

One thing - and this is a lesson I ought to take notice of myself - you obviously love language, but perhaps a little too much...??

A brave man would go through it with a pair of scissors and cut it down a bit.

F**king hard, I know!

The only other thing is whether it will be affected by the ghost of 'Billy Elliot' hanging over it. I do hope not.

Thanks for posting this and, as 2009 seems to have dragged a few comedy/drama writers out from the shadows, I might post a bit of my stuff!

PS You mention Gymkhana. My daughters are in PonyClub and I've sketched out some rough stuff based upon my experiences( different story line, but still about the Mums as well as the kids) Do you (or anyone else) know if this has been done?

Cheers Lazzard. I did wonder if the material was a bit left-field and tame for a forum like this but I'm heartened by your positive comments as you've got the idea bang on and for me that's great.

You're right too - I do love language (A diet of PG Wodehouse as a boy) and I do sometimes overwrite but as this is a first draft I hope that I'd be able to get the shears out further down the line.

Cheers B