I probably shouldn't comment until I've read the whole thing. But I'd just like to add, I found the actions difficult to read, they didn't flow or feel snappy enough, which is actually putting me off.
First two scenes Page 3
Quote: chipolata @ January 13 2009, 4:38 PM GMTOn the hot girl minder/bodyguard front, Angela Bassett played Ralph Fienne's minder in Strange Days.
That sounds like a root to me !
I'm enjoying this thus far. I actually think it flows rather well and as mentioned, accomplishes the characters early. If Matty is going to be taken under Ron's wing is he gonna be a bungler and/or have crisis' of conscience at critical moments, kinda Rodney Trotterish.
If you don't want Eddie to be a cliche and you also want Ron to have heart perhaps it would be a better device for Eddie to have some sort of misguided loyalty for an act of Ron's in the past. Or some such.
As for leading the audience to make a connection between Ron and Matty I was thinking instead of looking for an excuse to say 'If Matty doesn't provide I'll break his legs' or whatever could he not say 'some...Matty...boy'
Also why not make use of the Colonel thing. It sounds like such an underground baddie character. Perhaps instead of Ron simply aying 'Hit him Eddie' he could say something like 'ere y'ar, some practise for the colonel. Get snappy with the happy' then five seconds later we see the colonel's just some berk and we understand the snappy refererence and then that it's Matty. just an idea.
You should put up the next 2 or 3 scenes man.