KIDS OR NO KIDS!

Husband and wife in bed! (just where they should always be)

WIFE.
Do you want kids.

HUBS
Dunno, do you want them.

WIFE
Nah

Hubs
We wont have any then

WIFE
But you might want them.

HUBS.
Nah I dont, if you dont i dont, I cant have them on my own now can I.

WIFE
Great so I have to make the bigest decision of our marriage. I have to do EVERYTHING.

HUBS
You said you dont want them, so we cant have them. I dont want US to have any anyway.

WIFE
Right I get it, you dont want them with me, but you will have them with anyone else.

HUBS
No, I didnt say that.

WIFE
You did too. You said US, that implies you and I, not you and some floozy. Do you already have a floozy lined up, waiting in the wings to bear your ugly floozy children.

HUBS
This is ridiculous, what do you want me to say, tell me what i am supposed to say and i will say it.

WIFE
Thats so typical of you. Your an arrogant arse hooooooole, I am asking your opinion, and you change it around to try and make my brain hurt. Not only are you cheating on me with some tart and her child bearing thunder thighs you are twisting a simple question. DO YOU WANT KIDS OR NOT

HUBS
NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WIFE
Why dont you want kids with me. Am i too ugly uh, are my hips to small, whats wrong with me, you think i would make a terrible mother dont you.

HUBS
Look i have had enough now. I am not cheating on you nor lining any FLOOZIES up, I dont mind whether we have kids or not. If i was to have kids i would only want them with you.

WIFE
Realy

HUBS
Yes REALY!!!

WIFE
I dont want them though

HUBS
FINE

WIFE
I want you to have a vasectomy

HUBS
WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WIFE
V A S E C T O M Y

HUBS
No Why??

WIFE
Well what if i was to die in a car crash, you might meet a woman who does want kids. You wont want them with her. You only want them with me. I dont want them atall, so i want you to have a vasectomy.

HUBS
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! I am not having my penis chopped about just on the off chance that you may die in a car crash and i might meet a woman that does want kids. You can not ask that of me. You are sick, warped and twisted. You are ill..

WIFE
Ahhhhhhh rite i get it. You do want kids, not necesarily with me, coz i will be a bad mother, but if i dont give them to you i will be depriving you, so later on in life you are gonna line up a floozy, which you probably already have, fix the brakes on the car so i crash then go off and have 7 kids with thunder thighs. You are starting mind games now by making me think i am ill. You are a SELFISH BASTARD, i knew this all along, thats why i asked you about the vasectomy. You are a plotting. I hate you.

HUBS
Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!

WIFE
you win you pig. I knew you would blackmail me into having kids. I tell you i dont want them, you play your mind games and hey presto. Lets do everything you want to do.

HUBS.
I want to fix the breaks on the car

Charley, I've really thought long and hard about this because not only do I respect you but you also scare the crap out of me sometimes. But anyway, here goes.

I had a real hard time with the way you laid your skecth out and gave up way before the end. So if it's not too much to ask, and if it's not too much trouble - see, I told you I was scared - could you take it away and tidy it up a bit - please?

I don't see anything much wrong with the layout on my screen.
Uppercase Name, lowercase dialogue with a blank line between.

However, it is way too long for the basic idea.

OK, well if you think everything is OK then it must be so.

the only gripe i have with it is that it is quite long and it dosn't need to be, but other wise good

Is this based on you by any chance? I think though, that maybe you've got something here that most people recognise. Keep on with them and good luck.

Hi Guy's.
Thanks for your views. Esp you David C...
I am doing some sketches which are based in the bedroom, and between Husband and Wife. I like the way women twist things, i have always been amused by this. Since i was knee high. Us lady's learn it from our mothers.
I know its quite long . I will re look at the length and squash it down. I appreciate you all dont want to read an essay.

Baumski my Darling, please dont be scared lol. Truly i am a nice girl, you can say anything you want to me. If i put my shit up here, i want the truth so i can make my shit better.xxx

Charley, men already have enough problems with women without you giving them ideas!

(whats he doing with his right hand?)

Quote: Baumski @ March 25, 2007, 10:00 AM

Charley, I've really thought long and hard about this because not only do I respect you but you also scare the crap out of me sometimes. But anyway, here goes.

View original

Anyway. I agree with the others (ish). Although it drags a bit and seems too long, I think it'd work perfectly on screen (or radio, as the case may be). And like David said, you seem to have something going here with the husband-wife thing. Maybe you could try adapting it for your own instructional video for men?

I thought that length didn't matter?

It does, but only in a LONGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG way

I agree that it's a bit lengthy, but I was amused by it and some of the lines made me laugh. Probably the best thing of yours I've read Charley. Keep it up. You can quote that in your next sketch if you like.