Liberal-demo-prats.

VINCE CABLE IS BROUGHT INTO A ROOM WHERE MING CAMPBELL, CHARLES KENNEDY AND NICK CLEGG ARE WAITING.

MING

Let us recite the sacred rite of the Liberal Democrats.

ALL 3 TOGETHER.

Proportional representation (A GONG BANGS) income tax increase for education (A GONG BANGS) local solutions for local people (A GONG BANGS)

MING

Vince Cable do you know why you have been brought before the continuing commitee of the Liberal Democrats?

VINCE

You want me to be leader again? With my brilliant incisive knowledge of economics?

CLEGG

No we bloody well do not, you're making us look to good.

VINCE

I beg your pardon, to good?

MING

Aye yes to good. Even as the shadow chancellor for a 3rd rate party, you're making going under Brown and his pet badger Darling look so bad, you may end up winning us the next election.

CLEGG

And we couldn't have that.

VINCE

Why not?

MING

The Liberal Democrats have existed since the dawn of the 1980s as a place for embittered trekkies, geography teachers and other people you wouldn't want leading a scout troop to vote.

CLEGG

Have you read our manifesto?

SOUND OF BOOK BEING FLICKED THROUGH.

VINCE

My God it's blank!

CLEGG

Exept for page 37.

VINCE

That's you in the nudey Clegg.

CLEGG

All part of my plan to become 31 in the bed Clegg.

MING

So all Liberal leaders have had a fatal flaw.

CLEGG

I'm a half pint, Tesco value version of Dave Cameron who bangs on about shagging 30 women.

MING

I'm a bit old.

CLEGG

And you bang on about being in the ruddy Olympics.

VINCE

You slept on a camp bed at the BBC during the Gulf war.

CLEGG

You ming of wee.

MING

Enough already!

VINCE

What's wrong with Charles Kennedy?

CHARLES WAKES UP

CHARLES

What dya mean what's wrong with me? You posh talking swine, I'll cut ya.

VINCE

Now I remember he's a drunk.

MING

No it's because he's ginger.

CHARLES

Aye could you imagine a drunk ginger Prime Minister? I'd have nuked Belgium for looking at me missus.

VINCE

So I've got no choice, I have to commit political suicide?

MING

I'm afraid so, either that or admit we got our last policies off ebay.

VINCE

So how do I make myself look like another unelectable, Lib Dem weirdo?

CHARLES

Oh that's easy, just support that gobshite Brown.

Sorry Sootyj, this one doesn't fly for me. Probably because I am not well up on Lib Dem politics and Vince Cable in particular. Maybe if they explained why they don't want power it might be stronger? Or maybe I am not your target demographic, having given up on politics approximately when Blair turned from New Labour Messiah into Beelzebub.

I like the idea that the lib dems are crapping themselves they might get in power.

I think its too long. I also think CK should be alseep for the whole sketch and suddenly pop up at the end.

VINCE

So how do I make myself look unelectable?

CHARLES

Hic....Did I miss anything?

The only thing is - there is still a problem cos Cable isn't the leader maybe Clegg would be better delivering the Cable line above?

Surely there is a cheap Pun with Vince "Cable" and getting into "Power"

Quote: Minty @ January 9 2009, 1:31 PM GMT

Surely there is a cheap Pun with Vince "Cable" and getting into "Power"

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Melikes

Edit 2 incorporating advice. Thanks

Quote: sootyj @ January 9 2009, 10:28 AM GMT

VINCE CABLE IS BROUGHT INTO A ROOM WHERE MING CAMPBELL, CHARLES KENNEDY AND NICK CLEGG ARE WAITING.

MING

Vince Cable do you know why we want to talk to you?

VINCE

You want me to be leader again? The liberals need an economic superman like me Vince power cable!

CLEGG

No we bloody well do not, you're making us look to good.

VINCE

I beg your pardon, to good?

MING

Aye yes to good. Even as the chancellor for a 3rd rate party, you're making it look like we could beat Labour.

CLEGG

And we couldn't have that.

VINCE

Why not?

MING

The Liberal Democrats has always been a safe place for the socially less skilled; trekkies, geography teachers all the people you wouldn't want leading a scout troop.

CLEGG

Have you read our manifesto?

SOUND OF BOOK BEING FLICKED THROUGH.

VINCE

My God it's blank!

CLEGG

Exept for page 37.

VINCE

That's you in the nudey Clegg.

CLEGG

All part of my plan to become 31 in the bed Clegg.

MING

So all Liberal leaders need a fatal flaw.

CLEGG

I'm a half pint, Tesco value version of Dave Cameron who bangs on about shagging 30 women.

MING

I'm a bit old.

CLEGG

And you bang on about being in the ruddy Olympics.

VINCE

You ming of wee.

MING

Enough already!

VINCE

So I've got no choice, I have to commit political suicide?

MING

I'm afraid so, either that or admit we got our last policies off ebay.

CLEGG

And clean up the mess the Lying Scotsmans left.

VINCE

So how do I make myself look like another unelectable, Lib Dem weirdo?

MING

Oh that's easy, just support that gobshite Brown.

CHARLES WAKES UP

What's going on who are you? Oh God am I still stuck in that awful party.

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