Do you believe?

An attempt to do a better sketch than I wrote yesterday.

MAN ANSWERS DOOR TO 2 SMILING EVANGELICAL TYPES.

MAN

Who are you? What do you want? It's the ruddy weekend.

EVANGELIST1

Good morning sir, we have one question for you.

EVANGELIST2

Do you believe in God?

MAN

No. Are you ruddy Jehovis Witness's? If I had a dog I'd set him on you. I've got a good mind to throw my hamster at you.

EVANGELIST1

So you don't believe in God?

MAN

No I blooming well do not.

EVANGELIST2

Good stuff, keep up the good work.

EVANGELIST1

We're door to door aetheists.

MAN

Bloody nutcases more like.

SLAMS THE DOOR, DOOR BELL RINGS AGAIN OPENS IT THERE ARE ANOTHER 2 EVANGLEIST TYPES.

EVANGELIST3

Have you heard the good news or the bad news? We're not sure which it is.

EVANGELSIT4

There might be a God or not, we're evangelical agnostics. All hail whatever.

SOUND OF A THUMP.

EVANGELSIT3

Ow he threw a hamster at me.

Not at all bad, made me sniger; though the last lines a duffer.

Thanks damnation, I was looking for a link between the two halfs.

Would a cat be funnier?

Maybe a 3rd section with Fred Phelpps.

Door-to-door atheists is a great idea but you don't do much with it. Why not spoof people who claim so adamantly that God doesn't exist that their belief becomes a kind of faith in itself?

Quote: David Bussell @ January 9 2009, 1:01 PM GMT

Door-to-door atheists is a great idea but you don't do much with it. Why not spoof people who claim so adamantly that God doesn't exist that their belief becomes a kind of faith in itself?

View original

That was the original version, but like an enormous pope it was long and preachy.

I may have another pop at it.

My problem is I don't know what an agnositic is.

So I don't understand the joke.

This makes me thick. And sad.

Quote: bigfella @ January 9 2009, 1:30 PM GMT

My problem is I don't know what an agnositic is.

So I don't understand the joke.

This makes me thick. And sad.

View original

A person who is uncertain if they believe in God, like Rowan Wilson and angry teenage Jesus.

Edit2[

quote name="sootyj" post="345771" date="January 9 2009, 9:43 AM GMT"]An attempt to do a better sketch than I wrote yesterday.

MAN ANSWERS DOOR TO 2 SMILING EVANGELICAL TYPES.

MAN

Who are you? What do you want? It's the ruddy weekend.

EVANGELIST1

Good morning sir, we have one question for you.

EVANGELIST2

Do you believe in God?

MAN

No. Are you ruddy Jehovis Witness's? If I had a dog I'd set him on you. I've got a good mind to throw my hamster at you.

EVANGELIST1

So you don't believe in God?

MAN

No I blooming well do not.

EVANGELIST2

Good stuff, keep up the good work.

EVANGELIST1

We're door to door aetheists.

EVANGELIST2

Thank you and may God not be with you as he or she doesn't exist.

MAN

Hang on wait a moment. Your saying there is absolutely no God?

EVANGELIST2

Haven't you seen our hilarious poster campaign "There probably is no God now relax and enjoy your life."

EVANGELIST1

We wanted to go with spray painting Churches with "You don't have to be mad to worship here, but you are," So yes categorically and absolutely there is no God.

MAN

So I die and that's it all I ever was reduced to worm food?

EVANGELIST2

Yup when you die Mr and Mrs Worm call "yum yum here's an another soulless tool using monkey for tea,"

EVANGELIST1

Except that's imposing human cultural norms on worms, which is the kind of thing some silly God botherer would do.

MAN

Isn't that depressing? I mean don't you believe there could be some force in the Universe guiding creation, the whole of human civilisation can't be the stellar equivalent of a cinamon bun that looks like Kurt Cobaine.

EVANGELIST1

Yes it is haven't you read Origin of the Species?

MAN

Yes I have, but, but.

HE RUNS INSIDE AND COMES OUT WITH A BANANA.

MAN

Explain this smart ass! It's easy to peel, it's ridged to make it esier to hold the banana must have been designed by some greater force. A greater force who wanted man kind to have a tasty prepacked, yummy food source.

EVANGELSIT1

A banana is scarecely proof of a creator diety.

MAN

Oh yeh ripe bananas are a laxative but unripe bananas can cure diarea. A nutrisious food source, prepackaged that's got two medicinal benefits.

EVANGELIST2

You mean bananas prove God exists and he loves us...ouch!

EVANGELIST1 SLAPS HIM

EVANGELIST1

Stop that you're turning into a religious fanatic. You can reread the God Delusion 5 times and pray to Richard Dawkins for forgivness.

EVANGELIST2

Oh Richard Dawkins who art in print for the 3rd time please forgive me!

MAN

Thanks guys, if I leave now I might just make mass. Heck my dad was Jewish I might go to Shul next week.

MAN SHUTS THE DOOR.

EVANGELIST1

Come on lets get you home God willing it won't rain. Damnation religions contasgous.

[/quote]