Darling's Master Plan.

Darling's Master Plan

Gordon Brown and Harriet Harman are sat round a conference table, taping their pens on the table, looking at watches. There is a low gentle hum in the background.

GB : Where the hell is Alistair? He's ten minutes late already.

HH : God knows Prime Minister, I'll be honest I haven't heard a squeak from in three days now.

GB: Same here. Which is odd, because he's always bleating on about something.

Flash of light from under an adjoining door.

HH: Last I heard he had a great idea to save the economy and was off to try it out.

GB: Just as long as it's better than that VAT fiasco. Can you hearing humming? (PAUSE) Where is he?

HH: Maybe he's been kidnapped by the aliens that damaged that wind turbine?

Another Flash of light from under the door.

GB: We'd be so lucky. Do you know what he was thinking about doing? His master plan?

HH: No?

GB: He was going to print more money!

Both laugh.

HH: He's a chuffing prize pillock sometimes Gordon.

GB: How the hell does he think that will help.? Print more money the value of the pound collapses. What is that bloody humming?

Another flash of light from under the door.

HH: Quite frankly the man's a liability.

Gordon stands up and heads towards the source of the noise.

GB: If he mentions it again I'm going to put his balls through a printing press.

Gordon stands outside the door and the light flashes again.

GB: The humming is coming from here.

Gordon throws open the door. An unshaved Alistair Darling is standing over a photocopier with stacks of print outs around him.

AD: Hi Gordon. I've been in here for days. It's okay we're saved. I've printed us some more money.

He holds up a photocopy of a £20.

GB: You f**king idiot Alistair.

Gordon enters the room and the door slams shut. A Short Pause then a slamming noise and a spine chilling scream. The light flashes under the door again. Another short Pause and Gordon opens the door and comes back into the room and holds up a photocopy of a man's private parts.

HH : Oh I see you used the enlarge function.

I love the image of an unshaved, rough-shirted Alastair Darling standing over a photocopier as stacks of crudely copied £20 notes file out.

And I think that should be the entire sketch, personally. It would be a wonderful snippet in the middle of a topical sketch show like Dead Ringers, or that old one that shot the scenes from a voyeuristic perspective, with remarkably strong lookalikes (name escapes me).

I know shortening it as such is rather irritating advice if you're aiming for something like NewsRevue, but it's the best delivery of a very good core concept.

As it stands, I predicted it at the "printing money" line, and didn't feel the dialogue dotted around the main joke was close to the same standard.

I got there at the same time as Mav. I think the advice is spot on too. A very short intro about him saving the economy and then 'bang'.

Yeap I think your both right. I'll chop it down.

Great idea but could be shorter, the genital joke is a bit of a let down.

Is there something else he could photocopy maybe dollars?