Done this one this morning. Anyone like it?
A BIG POWERFUL LOOKING MAN IS SAT BEHIND HIS DESK, THERE'S A KNOCK ON THE DOOR
BOSS: Enter
(ANOTHER MAN ENTERS, SLIGHTLY LESS POWERFUL LOOKING BUT NONETHELESS DEFINITELY A MANAGER OF SOME DESCRIPTION)
BOSS: Oh hello Steve, take a seat.
STEVE: Cheers. (SITS DOWN) How's things?
BOSS: Not great to be honest. Figures are down, economy's looking decidedly gloomy and I nearly choked to death on a biscuit yesterday. Got any good news for me?
STEVE: Erm, well actually maybe I should leave because actually I've only got bad news to report I'm afraid.
BOSS: (Groans) Oh god, OK then, give it to me.
STEVE: Well the first thing we should mention is that our investigation into Steve Palmer has finished and our suspicions were right - turns out he's a massive paedo.
BOSS: Oh that's a blow.
STEVE: Yeah he's been downloading tons of kiddie porn on company time - it's put an incredible strain on the servers.
BOSS: I can imagine. Right - yeh we can't really be having that. Better give him a verbal warning and tell him to stick to work-related websites in future.
STEVE: OK will do. I should also mention David Garcia as well.
BOSS: Uh-oh - what's he done?
STEVE: Typical Dave - another rape, you know what he's like. Grabbed an office temp in the kitchen and forced his will upon her. She was really upset.
BOSS: I can imagine. Well I think we need to come down hard on this, it doesn't look very good on our company does it. Give him a week's suspension on full pay.
STEVE: And the girl?
BOSS: Better send her some flowers - and a gift voucher.
STEVE: A tenner?
BOSS: Erm, better just make it a fiver, lean times and all.
STEVE: OK I'll sort that out this afternoon. I should mention one other thing.
BOSS: Oh jeez, what now?
STEVE: New girl Laura Page, she brought an arsenal of guns in to the office on Tuesday and shot dead several of her co-workers, injuring several others before
turning the gun on herself.
BOSS: Oh yes, I remember thinking there was quite a lot of noise on Tuesday. Sounds terrible. Perhaps we should cancel the dog fighting away day as a mark of respect to the families. Has Rosie cleared up all the blood?
STEVE: Yes she's done a good job - and the hospital reckon our the head of marketing should make a full recovery in time, although he may face years of counselling and bad dreams.
BOSS: Well that's good news I suppose. Maybe we should take a look at our policy on bringing firearms into the office. Could I ask you to have a look at that?
STEVE: Will do, it's certainly something I've been thinking about - especially after seeing several of my co-workers and friends quite literally blown into oblivion this week.
BOSS: OK well thanks for letting me know - sounds like you've got it all in hand.
STEVE: Yeah just about. Strange few days but at least things are never boring round here!
BOSS: Well that's all I needed really. Just try to keep an eye on the paedo - oh and just one more thing.
STEVE: Yeah?
BOSS: From Monday I'd like an office ban on heroin, racist pamphlets and people eating Pot Noodles at their desks.
STEVE: Tough but fair. Cheers boss!
