Palace for sale.
Prince Philip is sat in his armchair at Buckingham Palace reading his newspaper. The Queen enters with a man dressed like an Arab Sheik.
Queen : All the carpets are new of course. Now this room has a splendid view of the Mall. Of course the Palace has 42 bedrooms. One for each of your wives!
Philip : What the bloody hell are you doing?
Queen : Ah Philip. This is Sheik Rarbish Binnie. He's interested in buying the palace.
Philip : Buying the palace? What are you up to Liz?
Queen : Excuse me one moment while I speak to my husband.
Walks over to Philip.
Queen : Don't you read the f**king papers Philip. House prices have dropped by 16% last year. We've got to get out while we can.
Philip : You can't sell bloody Buckingham Palace.
Queen : Of course I can I'm the Queen. I've got Winsor and Balmoral on the market as well.
Philip : Have you gone stark raving mad?
Queen : No. Look. The state the country's in, we're all buggered. I thought the whole family could just sell up and ship out.
Philip : But you're the bloody Queen of England.
Queen : Yes Philip darling. But you're forgetting one thing. I'm the Queen of lots of other places too. Places that aren't being run by a complete and utter idiot. We could move to one of those. Canada, New Zealand?
Philip : You know that's not a bad idea Liz. I quite fancy retirement on a little Caribbean beach somewhere. Hang on a minute it just won't work. You may be able to shift this place to an Arab. But who else is going to have the money these days to buy the others?
Servant Enters.
Servant : Your Majesty I have had the estate agent on the phone. A Mr Mugabe is viewing Winsor at seven and a Mr and Mrs Blair have expressed an interest in Balmoral.
Ends
