MAN WALKING DOWN THE STREET LOOKING BORED STOPS AT A PUBLIC TOILET.
VO
You there.
MAN NODS AND POINTS AT HIMSELF.
VO
Are you bored?
MAN NODS ENTHUSIASTICALLY
VO
Then you need Sootyj's guide to evil. Today we're being evil in a public toilet.
MAN JUMPS UP AND DOWN EXITEDLY
VO
Stop that this is the last place we want to look gay.
MAN GOES INTO THE TOILET.
VO
Have you brought a theremin?
MAN PRODUCES A THEREMIN.
VO
You know what to do.
MAN GOES INTO A TOILET CUBICLE, THEN HIDES IN THE NEXT ONE.
A SWEATY BLOKE RUNS IN HOLDING HIS ARSE AND RUNS INTO THE CUBICLE.
FX LOUD FARTY NOISE, FOLLOWED BY AN AGONISED THEREMIN SCREECH, FOLLOWED BY A SPLASH. REPEATED SEVERAL TIMES.
SWEATY MAN RUNS OUT OF TOILET TROUSERS AROUND HIS ANKLES.
VO
Oh dear the poor fellow must have thought he had aliens up his sphincter.
VO
Now have you got a mobile phone and it's number?
MAN NODS.
VO
Write the number on the wall, and next to it "Guilt free gay sex and blowjobs for easily embarassed men,"
MAN WRITES THIS ON THE WALL.
2 BLOKES WALK INTO THE TOILET ONE IS A SHAVEN HEADED PSYCHOTIC LOOKING CHAP, THE OTHER LOOKS SHY.
VO
Quick slip the mobile in the scary looking fellas back pocket.
MAN SLIPS THE PHONE INTO HIS BACK POCKET.
VO
Now hide!
MAN HIDES IN TOILET.
EMBARASSED MAN READS PHONE NUMBER ON THE WALL, THEN RINGS IT ON HIS MOBILE.
PHONE IN SCARY MAN'S POCKET RINGS. EMBARASSED MAN PINCHES HIS ARSE.
SCARY MAN GOES TO ATTACK EMBRASSED MAN WHO RUNS FOR HIS LIFE.
VO
Oh dear let's hope he's a fast runner.
MAN GOES TO THE URINAL FOR A PEE.
WE SEE SOMEONE'S RIGGED IT UPTO THE MAINS ELECTRIC.
HE PEES AND DIES OF ELECTRIC SHOCK.
VO(A DIFFERENT ONE)
This is Sootyj's guide to murder, now clear off!
VO (ORIGINAL ONE)
Oopsy silly me. See us next week for Sootyj's guide to be evil evil in the mortuary. Don't forget your hamster!
This sketch was inspired by Puppet on a String.