Don't Gissa Job

INTERVIEWER and MISS CHAVCOCK

INTERVIEWER:
So Miss Chavcock, what makes you suitable for this job?

CHAVCOCK:
Nuffin'.

INTERVIEWER:
I see. Well, what experience have you got?

CHAVCOCK:
Sod f**kin' all. Just the kids since I got knocked up.

INTERVIEWER:
You do want this job?

CHAVCOCK:
(LOOKS SKYWARD AND ROLLS EYES IN AMUSED DISBELIEF) F**k no. Social sent me.

INTERVIEWER:
You've no interest in our work at all?

CHAVCOCK:
You're joking.

INTERVIEWER:
No knowledge of our organisation?

CHAVCOCK:
(EMPHATICALLY) No.

INTERVIEWER:
And you say on your application (PICKS UP PAPER) you'll just (READS) "talk a load of bull" to our clients.

CHAVCOCK:
(SMILING, REMEMBERING THE BULLSHIT FORM) Yer. (BEAT, IMPATIENTLY) Can I go now?

INTERVIEWER:
Certainly. (BEAT) But nine o'clock Monday, please. Welcome to the Home Office!

It's a very good idea, but the dialogue on route could maybe do with a gag or two more.

It's pretty good but it's one of those that whilst reading it you know she's going to be offered the job at the end, the only twist being that it's the home office.

Thanks Sooty.

By the way, did you go to Treason last night? I didn't see you. If you didn't, you'd probably like to know your Cameron Bullshit sketch was in. And there was that Queen and Prince Philip "one-pod" sketch which I thought might have been one of yours.

This one got in Treason too, but only their Wadhurst tour date, not the "Best of" show.

No wasn't there sorry about that, held up at work and it was cold.

One pod? maybe I may have to list all my 70 submissions.

Was there a massive writers piss up? With champagne, canapes and naked Brailsfords?

Quote: sootyj @ December 31 2008, 9:48 AM GMT

No wasn't there sorry about that, held up at work and it was cold.

One pod? maybe I may have to list all my 70 submissions.

Was there a massive writers piss up? With champagne, canapes and naked Brailsfords?

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70? Bloody hell, I can't compete with that.

The one pod one had the Queen listening to an ipod and then Philip only being able to get her attention by mentioning getting a new corgi. I thought it was your style, but I guess I was wrong.

I didn't recognise any others of yours, but there may have been. There was Bishop Swap which I think was one of Griff's, but again I may be misremembering. He certainly had something in, as his name was in the programme too, as was Phil Barron's whose "Hu's the President" sketch was in.

If there was a writers' piss-up I missed that too. I only met Tom Johnstone there and he left soon after the show, so I did too. There was a naked Brailsford, but only in the show, as usual, in Gary Beard's very funny Lewes Pound naked sketch.

Quote: Griff @ December 31 2008, 10:00 AM GMT

Ooh! "Bishop Swap", yes that was mine. Thanks for letting me know John!

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Yer, just pm'd you about this anyway. I liked this sketch very much when I first saw it, and the camp Bishop of Brighton always goes down very well with a Brighton audience, as you can imagine.

Quote: Griff @ December 31 2008, 10:29 AM GMT

Cheers John! You mentioned Phill's "Hu's The President". Treason performed that when I went to see them in Berlin and it had the biggest reaction I've ever seen at a sketch show. They literally had to wait to deliver every line because the audience were laughing so much, cheering, slapping the table etc. It was unbelievable.

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Yer, it always goes down well, and it did last night.

It's in the tradition of a long line of sketches derived from the "Who's on First" sketch by Abbott and Costello which I believe was once voted the greatest sketch ever written. There's a long article on Wikipedia about it.