This came to me in a dream at 2am, it's pretty nasty.
1
A MIDDLE CLASS DINNER PARTY JANE, PETE AND DAVE ARE CHATTING.
MR PYE STANDS IN FRONT OF THEM, IN ORANGE SUIT AND PURPLE SHIRT, HE HAS THE SPIKY HAIR OF A RUBBISH TV CHEF. HE IS APARENTLY INVISIBLE TO THEM.
MR PYE.
Hello girls, Hello Guys, I'm Mr Pye.
I'm not sly, I'm quite fly, I'll teach you when to lie.
JANE
Ok boys big confession time. The Pate (beat) it's from Aldi!
DAVE
Get away it's delicious, you bad, bad girl with your naughty secrets.
PETE
Oh that's nothing, I'm a very bad boy. When I go to the farmer's market, I go at 6pm buy all the bruised veg cheap. Then I make a great big soup.
JANE
You clever little scamp. Now Dave's what's your big confession?
DAVE
Well I go to Waitrose.
PETE
And go on...
DAVE
I go into the toilets and when I hear some one having a poo. I stick my head over the cubicle take a picture and yell "Boo!" Then run away I don't mind if it's a man or lady. I just get so exited seeing their forhead all wrinkled up.
THERE IS A SIGNIFICANT SILENCE
MR PYE.
Oh me oh my you cry
That silly guy, he should have lied.
