Is there a joke in there somewhere?

While waiting for her indoors to have her hairdone,I was reading the Steve Gerrard newspaper story and trying to knock up a few jokes about it.Below are the [poor] ideas I came up with.

Stevie Gerrard got into a fight with a club DJ about the playing of Keane.

Why didn't Stevie Gerrard hit a woman?Because he wasn't a striker.

Where does Steve Gerrard go for a fight? The Lunge Inn.

Liverpool have just signed a mifield Islamic fundamentalist. Stevie Jihad.

Whats the difference between Steve Gerrard and Joey Barton? Nothhing, they're
both punchy mid fielders.

Right,bad effort at jokes I know.So would you keep trying to bleed as much out of a story as you can joke wise,or after what's come off the top of your head move onto something else?

I liked the Stevie Jihad one.

I'll try and have a go myself:

Stevie Gerrard's been transferred... to Strangeways.

I'd send them all to 118 118, but may be tidy them up a tad.

e.g. How would Stevie Gerard have a woman on his team. Stiker.

What did Stevie Gerard say to the DJ? Don't play Keane.

Stephen's brought out his own brand of viagra.
Stephie get 'ard.

I'll give it a go. (loved the Keane gag)

Steven Gerrard has been arested. According to the Sun he was 'nicked with five pals'. Those Scousers, nothing's safe.

Apparently Gerrard was 'rowing by the dancefloor.' I read that as rowing, to mean like a boat. I thought he was doing 'Oops Up Side Your Head'. Or 'Oops up smack your head' which was Gerrard's cover version.

One fan chatted to Gerrard in the toilet. No drugs were involved though, it was a single yellow line rather than a white one.

He's not the first footballer to be charged with assualt. John Terry, Jonathon Woodgate and Jody Morris were all cleared. Jody Morris - remember him? He was cleared, albeit it was scuffed slightly and it went out for a cheap throw in.

One fan took a photo and Gerrard got snappy accoridng to the Mail. That suggests he also started taking photos. Obviously he had to take about 6 shots before he aimed it at the right place.

One report says Gerrard went in with an elbow on the DJ. Presumably he pulled his shirt as well and then tried to shepherd him out for a goal kick.

When the police inteview him, I wonder if he'll come out with a load of mix metaphors in front a cardboard screen covered in sponsors?

Gerrard is, of course, a Scouser - normally though, it's: you're in the dock then you strike, not the other way round.

I liked the Keane one too, especially with Sooty's improvement.

Here's my stab at it:

Rafa Benitez's made a shock bid for Joey Barton. Apparently he reckons, with Stevie Gerrard, Liverpool could have the best pair of inside forwards in the country.

What's the most vicious mutt in Eastenders?
Stephen Well 'ard.

The 'don't play Keane' one is even better now that I've thought about Keane the band, good one

What do you get if you cross a Buckinghamshire village with an angry Scouse footballer?

Stevie Gerrard's Cross.

Stephen Gerard ordered to join support group for angry scousers.

Aye Aye Leave it.

Did you hear Steven Gerrard has been arrested for assault?

Thankfully, Graham Sankey has come forward to confess to the attack, whilst 20,000 Scousers have testified that they saw Gerrard asleep in his bed at the time.

The newspapers tell us "Liverpool hit 5 at Newcastle".
Steven Gerrard was quoted as saying "It could have been more".
So he hit a sixth at Southport.

Just been watching the news and saw Michael Shields wearing a "Free Steven Gerrard" t-shirt!

How about this.

Why is Stevie G such a great goal scorer? He always hits them hard.

New Year's Honours. And following last year's award of an MBE, this year Stephen Gerrard is expected to receive an ABH.

How many scousers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because Gerrard knocks everyone's lights out.

Cor!just goes to show how much you can "bleed" jokes out of a story.Agree with the Sooty tidy up[but just wanted to write them down as I'd thought of them]Another question,broadsheet or red tops for best joke coverage?

As in where to send them? None of 'em they probably won't use them and I doubt they pay.

As for inspiration Sun, Guardian and BBC news website are my big 3.

Quote: sootyj @ December 30 2008, 5:11 PM GMT

As in where to send them? None of 'em they probably won't use them and I doubt they pay.

As for inspiration Sun, Guardian and BBC news website are my big 3.

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Don't forget the Mail! Brilliant for great, prejudice-full coverage of the stories people really want to read about.