INT. IN A KITCHEN
There is a husband (BILL) and a wife (MARY) and two little children, a boy (JOSH) who's about 8yr and a girl (EMILY) who's about 6yr. The husband is sitting at the kitchen table reading the newspaper and the kids are sitting at the table colouring in, while the wife is cooking breakfast. They are quite a posh family and the kitchen is quite big.
MARY:
ANYTHING INTERESTING, HUN?
BILL:
NO, JUST THE NORMAL RIF RAF, COUNTRY'S GOING TO HELL, BLAH BLAH BLAH. WHATS FOR BREAKFAST, IT SMELLS LOVELY.
MARY:
I BOUGHT SOME KANGEROO TEST... BOLLOCKS, KANGEROO BOLLOCKS.
She has an embarrassing look on her face and both adults look at the kids who are still blissfully unaware colouring in.
MARY:
DID YOU CHECK YOUR SHARES, SEE HOW THERE GETTING ON?
BILL:
OH, I FORGOT.
He picks up the paper and goes to the shares section. He's also whistling while he does this.
BILL:
SHINE A LIGHT! THE SHARES HAVE DROPPED BY A DOLLAR!
MARY:
BILL, LANGUAGE, FOR FUCK SAKE!
The kids look at there dad and have horrified looks on there faces.
BILL:
ARGH, I MEAN (PAUSE) SHITSTABBING-FANNYLICKING-ARSEWHIPPER!
The kids face softens when he says that
EMILY:
MUMMY, DADDYS JUST SAID SHINE A LIGHT.
JOSH:
SHINE A LIGHT! SHINE A LIGHT!
MARY:
EMILY, JOSH, I'LL WASH YOUR MOUTH OUT WITH SOAP IN A MINUTE. DADDY SAYS NAUGHTY THINGS SOMETIMES WHEN HE'S ANGRY. BUT DON'T WORRY; I'LL BE GIVING HIM A GOOD KICK IN THE BALLS LATER ON.
EMILY:
OK THEN.
The sketch ends with the husband; he has a big smile on his face.
END