British Comedy Guide

Brrrrrrrrr!

INT. TENT - DAY

A HOWLING WIND IS AUDIBLE AND HUDDLED AROUND A CANDLE SIT TWO FIGURES.

FIG # 1:
Damn this infernal place! I'm going to go mad! Mad I tell you! If that wind doesn't drop we'll never be able to get to the research station.

FIG # 2:
Still, it's nice to have a bit of snow at Christmas, don't you think?

FIG # 1:
What?

FIG # 2:
I was just saying that it's nice to have a bit of snow. Sort of brightens things up. Makes it all Christmassy and that. You know?

FIG # 1:
Our radio's packed in. We're stranded on the ice-flow in a vicious blizzard, about to die of hypothermia and all you can say is that the snow makes it look nice! (PAUSE) Oh yeah bloody lovely. Ho-sodding ho! I'll tell you what, let's build a snowman! That'll be fun won't it?

FIG # 2:
OK OK! I was just saying. No need to be so touchy. Christmas is meant to be the season of peace and goodwill to all men. Forget I mentioned it you miserable bastard.

BOTH CONTINUE TO HUDDLE ROUND THE CANDLE IN SILENCE. PRESENTLY...

FIG # 1:
Sorry old man. I over-reacted then. It's just that this damn infernal cold and this howling wind have me driven to distraction. I don't think I can take very much more.

FIG # 2:
That's OK old chap. I'm rather put out by the whole shooting match myself. Sorry I lost it with you too. Tell you what, how about something to eat? That'll perk us up...

FIG # 1:
Splendid idea. Why didn't I think of that? Yes, OK let's have some grub.

FIG # 2:
My turn to cook. I'll just check the rations.

FIG 2 MOVES OUT OF SHOT AND WE HEAR A BIT OF RUMMAGING OFF SCREEN.

FIG # 2 (OS):
What do you fancy? Choc-ice or Cornetto?

FIG # 1 LOOKS DIRECTLY AT THE CAMERA OLIVER HARDY STYLE

END:

The sketch starts with a good concept, but the punchline seemed a bit flat. The fact that one guy is banging on about Christmas, I thought the punchline would be something with a Yuletide theme (ie: maybe the only thing to eat is a Turkey, or he says "I know what'll cheer you up and he dresses as Santa and asks him to sit on his knee.)

You could potentially make a series of sketches whereby FIG 1 is constantly saying something upbeat but wholly inappropriate to their plight.

I'd like to see a re-write of this one :)

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