Nearest School Please
INT. HALLWAY OF A HOME & EXT. SCHOOL PLAYGROUND & INT. INSIDE OF TAXI
The sketch starts of with a man (PETER) who's in his 40's rushing down the stairs and into the living room, then back out of the living room, while speaking to his daughter (KERRY) who is in her early teens on the phone. Kerry is in the playground waiting to be picked up.
PETER:
OK, SO I'VE GOT THE CAMERA, WHAT ELSE DO WE NEED?
KERRY:
MAKE SURE YOU'VE GOT THE BINOCULARS AND BRING YOUR BIG COAT AND HAT AS WELL, IN CASE IT STARTS RAINING, PLEASE DAD
PETER:
OK, I'LL BRING A BOX OF TISSUES AS WELL
KERRY:
COLD
PETER:
YEP, AGAIN. ANYTHING ELSE
KERRY:
DON'T FORGET THE BIRD SPECIES BOOK THIS TIME EITHER
PETER:
OK, OH AND WHATS THE SCHOOL CALLED AGAIN?
KERRY:
OH DAD, IT'S CALLED ST FRUCTUOSUS OF TARRAGONA
PETER:
ST FRUCTU-WARRA
KERRY:
DAAAAD, ST FRUC… OH, JUST SAY THE NEAREST SCHOOL, I THINK IT'S THE CLOSEST, THE TAXI DRIVER SHOULD KNOW IT. THERES BUSHES JUST OUTSIDE THE PLAYGROUND.
PETER:
OK SWEETIE, I'LL BE THERE SOON
KERRY:
OK DAD, HURRY UP, PLEASE
Peter puts the phone down and he hears the taxi beeping. He puts on his coat and hat and then puts the binoculars and the camera around his neck; he grabs the box of tissues and opens the front door.
Peter gets in the taxi; the TAXI DRIVER is in his mid 30's
TAXI DRIVER:
WHERE TOO MATE?
PETER:
OH ERM…OH GOD…JUST TAKE ME TO THE NEAREST SCHOOL PLEASE. ONE WITH BUSHES OUTSIDE THE PLAYGROUND
Peter is sitting in the middle of the back seat with a long coat on, a hat, a camera and binoculars round his neck and a box of tissues on his knee.
The taxi driver looks enraged
TAXI DRIVER:
GET OUT OF MY TAXI YOU PERVERT
PETER:
BUT… BUT…
Peter has a look of bewilderment on his face and exits the taxi
END