Major Downer.

A WORLD WAR1 SHELL SCRAPE A GROUP OF ENGLISH SOLDIERS ARE TRAKING COVER FROM HEAVY GERMAN FIRE, IT LOOKS BAD.

SOLDIER1

Looks like we're done for Jerry's got us pinned down good and proper.

SOLDIER2

Stop that Cooper we'll get through this are cards haven't been marked just yet.

GERMAN OOV

Surrender Tommy! For you ze war is over!

A BRITISH OFFICER STROLLS ON, HIS UNIFORM IS UNUSUALLY NEAT AND CLEAN.

SOLDIER2

Hurrah we're saved it's Major Downer, the most sarcastic officer in the British army.

MAJOR

Oh machine gun fire that's really impressive.

GERMAN OOV

Shut up you stupid English gay boy!

MAJOR

Gay boy eh, I'm so hurt bet you spent all week thinking up that one.

GERMAN OOV

That's not fair. It's a foreign language how am I supposed to understand the social norms required to be offensive?

MAJOR

You aren't very good at offensives are you? You're whole strategic plan is a mess.

GERMAN OOV

That's not fair the weather was against us.

MAJOR

Oh was it raining? You poor little storm trooper. The only weather you should worry about is whether your mummy gave her little storm trooper a kiss before he charged off to battle?

GERMAN OOV

You leave my mutta out of this.

MAJOR

Sure I'll leave your mother out of it. Quick lads runs Fritz's mums out guard your flies!

GERMAN OOV

That's it we're out of it. You poo poo head.

GUNFIRE STOPS.

SOLDIER1

Hooray we're saved. Well done Major Downer you're the most sarcastic officer in the whole British army!

MAJOR

Oh really? You don't say.

SOLDIER1's HEAD EXPLODES.

MAJOR

Not again. Damn this damn filthy war.

Did you type this with your feet?

Liked the 'offensives joke' and the whole idea of Major Downer, as a character.
The rest was a bit random IMHO

Damn, double, trebble, mega damn I edited all hell out of that.

Had to double take for a second on the end but thought it was original and fun and some v clever lines

Sootmeister General... enjoyed it for the most part. I'm not sure about "Downer" sounds like he's just depressing.... Major Sarcy, or Cringe or Putdown etc might be better??? Howabout Major Wince?

Also, "Gay boy" - can't imagine it was an expression in WWI... what about something like "Mamby Pamby"? Last thing, you could trim the dialogue a little, e.g. lose the "you poor little storm trooper".

Ok, really lastly, the soldier's head exploding... I assume it's a reaction to the last sarcastic comment from the Major? Would it be better to finish with the Major delivering a few more cutting lines to the soldier, and his head gradually SHRINKS with each jibe (instead of exploding)..... I feel put downs make one feel smaller not explode... he could end up deflating like a balloon and whizzing around the trench?????