Kids Party

Here's another.

INT.FAST FOOD RESTAURANT.DAY.

THERE IS A CHILDRENS’ PARTY GOING ON. WE SEE THE STAFF MEMBER WHO HAS BEEN LUMBERED WITH RUNNING THE PARTY IN FULL UNIFORM WITH CAP. THEY ARE JUST FINISHING SINGING HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

Mc GIRL
...happy birthday to you. Hurray.

Okay children, it’s Jessica’s birthday and the reason we are having a party here is because her mummy and daddy couldn’t be bothered to organise one at home for her. So eat up your burgers as this is the only meal you’re gonna get as your parents have pissed off down the pub and left all this to me.

Alright kids, let’s sing a song.

BEGINS TO CLAP AND SING

We will all be clinically obese by the time we are ten...Come on join in.

I liked it personally I'd chop the end of a bit

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INT.FAST FOOD RESTAURANT.DAY.

THERE IS A CHILDRENS’ PARTY GOING ON. WE SEE THE STAFF MEMBER WHO HAS BEEN LUMBERED WITH RUNNING THE PARTY IN FULL UNIFORM WITH CAP. THEY ARE JUST FINISHING SINGING HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

Mc GIRL
...happy birthday to you. Hurray.

Okay children, it’s Jessica’s birthday and the reason we are having a party here is because her mummy and daddy couldn’t be bothered to organise one at home for her. So eat up your burgers as this is the only meal you’re gonna get as your parents have pissed off down the pub and left all this to me.

Girl lights up her cigarette as the kids tuck in

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Thats how I'd have end like but thats me still good work

I like it WKFK. It works as a funny sketch and as a satirical statement. Gavin I think your idea is good but I wasn't inclined to change anything. Good sketch!

Thanks Fred and Gavin

Hi WJFK

I don't think it's strong enough to standalone. It's funny, but needs that extra oomph in it. I think either the girl's got to be a lot more cutting or you need to add a bit. First thoughts were keep it as it is and add some kid wailing cos they're a vegetarian and she says something like 'Shut it! You need some meat on your bones, you pale-faced little mong.'

Then I reckon you could have a good Man Stroke Woman type of sketch.

Hope this helps

Dan