Fast post.

DRUG DEALER IS SELLING HIS WARES TO POSTMAN PAT.

DRUG DEALER.

So what can I do for you e's, smack, bit of whizz?

POSTMAN

He he! Whizz sounds good.

DRUG DEALER

Don't I know you?

POSTMAN

I'm Postman Pat and the Royal Mail wants me to run faster than Paula Radcliffe.
Except I have to carry 20 pounds of mail, don't get to shit on the side of the road or give up in floods of tears when I get tired.

DRUG DEALER

2 raps of my fastest speed. That'll be 50 quid.

POSTMAN HANDS HIM 2 CHRISTMAS CARDS

POSTMAN

2 postal orders from granny do it?

DRUG DEALER

That'll do nicely. Hang on this one's a Woolworth's voucher.

POSTMAN SNIFFS POWDER

Can't catch me I'm Post Man Fast.

RUNS OFF

If you are going to identify the postie as Postman Pat, you should maybe to do more with that (and didn't he have a van?). The stolen postal orders and the Woolworth's voucher are nice twists, but "Post Man Fast " is a feeble line.

And a cat called Jess and now a helicopter.

He he as a way of iding him was shamefully weak.

And Postman fast is awful.

I am ashamed.