I think, therefore I rob a bank.

INT. CAR

Phil and Dougie are sat in a car, across the road from a bank. They watch it intensely.

PHIL:
OK, are we clear on the plan?

DOUGIE:
Yes, wait no.

PHIL:
Which part isn't clear?

DOUGIE:
The part where I stay in the bank, whilst you getaway.

PHIL:
I've gone through this already.

DOUGIE:
But it can't be true. I made hot passionate love with my wife last night.

PHIL:
No you didn't, that was me.

DOUGIE:
But it was so REAL.

PHIL:
You're going to have to face it Dougie, you are a figment of my imagination.

DOUGIE:
But...

PHIL:
No Dougie, now are you ready?

Phil goes to get out of the car but is interrupted by Dougie.

DOUGIE:
If I am not real, how will I act as a diversion?

PHIL:
Because I'll tell people you are there.

DOUGIE:
Oh OK.

Phil goes to get out but is again interrupted by Dougie.

DOUGIE:
Wait a minute...

PHIL:
What now?

DOUGIE:
Where's my ski mask?

PHIL:
Imaginary people don't need ski masks, Dougie.

DOUGIE:
Oh yeah, silly me.

Phil goes to get out a third time but is once again interrupted by Dougie.

DOUGIE:
Can I have a ski mask anyway?

PHIL:
Why?

DOUGIE:
I want to look the part.

PHIL:
But nobody will see you.

DOUGIE:
Yeah, but can't you just "imagine" a mask on me?

PHIL:
But then I might get you mixed up with someone else. You don't want me to shoot you, do you?

DOUGIE:
Oh, God no!

Phil tries again to get out. But is interrupted by Dougie.

DOUGIE:
Wait!

PHIL:
What now?!

DOUGIE:
It doesn't matter if I'm shot, I'm not real anyway, right?

PHIL:
Yeah, but I'll be using imaginary bullets.

DOUGIE:
Oh, bugger.

Phil and Dougie jump out of the car and head for the bank.

They get to the entrance but learn it is closed.

PHIL:
You see this Dougie? You and your stupid questions.

DOUGIE:
Don't worry. I can just walk through the door.

Dougie runs at the doors, knocking himself out.

The End.

This is a bit like trying to raise a family by wanking into a crisp packet and pushing it through the letterbox of a nursing home, Leevil. It's not happening as they say on the street. It is beautifully written however.

It's an amazing idea you just need to sharpen that punchline.

But otherwise very clever and quite funny.

I liked it. I think the punchline is fine as well. Good piece in my view.

This sketch immediately reminded me of a scene in Guy Ritchie's "Revolver" (anyone?) when Jason Statham is in the midst of an existential meltdown, arguing/fighting with himself as he rides an elevator to confront Ray Liotta. It's hilarious, albeit unintentionally.

I quite liked the sketch - I think it would depend on the performance/production how funny it ended up.

Bo.

Thank you, my friends.

I like the idea but I just didn't laugh at it. Perhaps if you gave it a better punch. Right now what you've got is an ending that tells us what we've been told so far is a lie. It's explained that Dougie is a figment of Phil's imagination and then we dicover he's corporeal? How about instead trying a version where the 'imaginary friend' aspect is the punch?

Phil has convinced Dougie he is imaginary, when he is not. Phil is a bastard and exploiting Dougie's dumbness to set him up to help him rob a bank. The "imaginary bullets" was meant to be the punchline, but I felt it didn't pack much of a punch. So I thought Dougie running into a closed door and knocking himself out, might.

Thanks Bussell for the F-B.

Quote: Leevil @ December 15 2008, 2:21 PM GMT

Phil has convinced Dougie he is imaginary, when he is not. Phil is a bastard and exploiting Dougie's dumbness to set him up to help him rob a bank. The "imaginary bullets" was meant to be the punchline, but I felt it didn't pack much of a punch. So I thought Dougie running into a closed door and knocking himself out, might.

Thanks Bussell for the F-B.

View original

I think for a backstory like that to work we'd need to know a lot more about the characters, which obviously you don't have time to set up in a sketch that short. I didn't get any of what you just explained. I just assumed Phil was a mental.

If that's not clear, I'm sure there's a line I can add to make it more obvious. Ta.

How about reversing the roles ?

I got the backstory, which for me made the punch a let down, I wanted the twist to be that he was imaginary. But however you resolve the ambiguity it is more intriguing than laugh out loud funny.