British Comedy Guide

Job's a guddun

I plan on changing the title as it sounds pretty cheap in my opinion but here's a little bit of something I've cooped up! I plan on throwing a few more jokes in yet as it seems a bit thin.

Basic plot: Grace is kidnapped although she doesn't know it. She thinks she's going to a beauty convention. The usual motives behind it all, rich heiress, ransom, blah blah blah. However, it turns out that although she lacks brains a little, she is more than competant in the physical dept. This wee bit is from the begining! This is my first kind of thing which I want to complete so please don't be too harsh! Thankyou!

Paul is tied to a chair whilst Grace is sat crossed legged on the windowsill when Harry and Jim walk in.

Harry: What the flying monkey shit is going on here?

Paul tried to shout despite the gag in his mouth, his eyes open in horror.

Grace: I don't believe this is a nail varnish convention. Why was he trying to tie me down?

Jim: Well… erm… We don't like people touching the varnish.

Grace: Why not?

Jim looks wildly towards Harry

Harry: Sticky fingers

Grace: Are you saying that I'm a thief?

Jim: No, no! He means that, well, erm…

Harry: Varnish is sticky stuff, we don't want you to spill it on yourself.

Grace: So you tie me down?

Jim: Yes.

Harry: Nails are serious stuff, you know and as the, um, president of the varnish company I am offended that you don't show it some respect!

Grace: Oh! Yes!

Grace ponders for a moment.

Grace: I thought you said that you were vice president?

Harry: I got a promotion.

Grace: What happened to the president?

Without missing a beat,

Jim: He spilt varnish on himself, he had to fire himself as he didn't show ample respect to the stuff.

Harry turns to Jim, nodding,

Harry: Ohhh! That's a good 'un!

Grace: huh?

Harry: I mean…

Jim: The varnish, it was a good one. Very expencive.

*******************************************************************************

As I say, my first peice and I do agree it still needs a fair bit of tweaking!x

I liked it. Good flow to it, I quite like the Grace character who whilst not being intelligent at least displays a great memory. Therefore the escalation of the lies that have to be told is even funnier. The only line that didn't ring true was the flying monkey shit one. It almost stopped me reading it as it comes across as a "trying to be funny" line. Thought the rest of the script was much better than that line.

Would be interested to see where this goes.

Quote: Chopz @ December 13 2008, 1:59 AM GMT

I liked it. Good flow to it, I quite like the Grace character who whilst not being intelligent at least displays a great memory. Therefore the escalation of the lies that have to be told is even funnier. The only line that didn't ring true was the flying monkey shit one. It almost stopped me reading it as it comes across as a "trying to be funny" line. Thought the rest of the script was much better than that line.

Would be interested to see where this goes.

Thankyou for your feedback! Funnily enough I just reread that monkey poop line and kind of thought 'errr... what?' so I shall be changing that! My aim is for a family to be the target audience. You don't get many thesedays which are bearable!

Thankyou again for my first bit of feedback! Mwah!

I think what I was subconsiosly (excuse my spelling) was a character who is a bit on the rough side to get a bit of a contrast going. I'll think up a better line though I think as I agree with you!

OK, instead maybe just a "What the...?"

It could do with a polish.

:)

Yeah, I don't think you've quite nailed it yet. :)

Quote: Marc P @ December 13 2008, 10:09 AM GMT

It could do with a polish.

:)

I wish you could be manicured of this incessant punning.

Quote: David Bussell @ December 13 2008, 12:09 PM GMT

I wish you could be manicured of this incessant punning.

Lol thanks Rolling eyes

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