Quote: Nigel Kelly @ December 8 2008, 3:04 PM GMTGood stuff, I think it could end at 'wankers' but you would probably disagree with me.
Actually, that's not a half bad idea, Nigel. Nice one.
The Island Page 2
Okay, so here's how it's looking after your input:
THE ISLAND
1. PART ONE:
EXT. PATCH OF GRASS – DAY
A NAKED YOUNG MAN LAYS CURLED UP IN A BALL. HE WAKES SURROUNDED BY THREE PECULIAR CHARACTERS, ALL DRESSED IN RESORT STYLE CLOTHING - THE SORT WORN IN 'THE PRISONER'. THEY ARE NUMBERS 7, 4 AND 8 AND THEY LOOK DISTINCTLY 'HOBOESQUE'.
MAN:
(STARTLED) What the hell?
NUMBER 7:
Calm yourself, young man, you're with friends.
SHE HANDS HIM A JACKET WHICH HE SLIPS INTO. THERE'S A BADGE ON IT WITH A NUMBER 6.
MAN:
(PAINED) My head…
NUMBER 7:
You must conserve your energy. Here, drink this.
SHE HANDS HIM A BOTTLE OF WHITE LIGHTNING.
MAN:
(REVOLTED) No thanks.
NUMBER 7:
Then eat. These sparrows eggs are fresh from the nest today.
MAN:
(GROANING) How did I get here?
HE LOOKS DOWN TO SEE THAT HE HAS BOOBS DRAWN ON IN MARKER PEN.
MAN (CONT):
Oh God, the stag. (BEAT) Who are you lot?
NUMBER 7:
I am Number 7 and these are my fellow prisoners, Numbers 4 and 8.
MAN:
Prisoners?
NUMBER 4:
Yes, just like yourself.
MAN:
Look, can you please tell me where I am so I can go home?
NUMBER 4:
Nobody knows the location of The Island! It is a place of secrets – of danger – where nothing and no one are as they seem!
WE PULL BACK TO SEE THAT THE CHARACTERS ARE ACTUALLY ON A CAR ROUNDABOUT. FURTHER DESTROYING THE INTRIGUE, A DRIVER IN A WHITE VAN GOES BY AND HONKS.
DRIVER:
Wankers!
PART TWO:
EXT. TRAFFIC ROUNDABOUT - DAY
THE MAN IS SURROUNDED STILL BY NUMBERS 7, 4 AND 8.
NUMBER 7:
You must be exhausted. Here, have some of this brain tonic.
SHE PUSHES SOME WHITE LIGHTNING TO THE MAN'S LIPS BUT HE KNOCKS IT ASIDE.
MAN:
No! I want to go!
NUMBER 7:
You can't go.
MAN:
What do you mean, I can't go?
NUMBER 7:
Don't you see? You're a prisoner here.
MAN:
I'm not a prisoner, I'm a…
NUMBER 7:
…Yes, yes, "a free man" - we've heard it all before.
MAN:
Actually, I was going to say baker.
NUMBER 7:
Oh.
NUMBER 4:
Sonny, you're here because you know something.
MAN:
Like what?
NUMBER 7:
That remains to be seen. I for my part discovered a way to skip the piracy advert at the beginning of DVDs. Number 4 here invented the four bean soup. Number 8 knows the secret… of The Secret.
NUMBER 8:
(WHISPERING) It's a shit book.
MAN:
But I don't know anything – I work at Greggs!
HE CLIMBS TO HIS FEET.
NUMBER 7:
Where are you going? Don't you see - there is no escape!
MAN:
What are you talking about - there's a 196 on its way round now. Just get out of my way!
NUMBER 4:
(SCREAMING) Come back, you fool!
MAN:
Laters, nutters!
NUMBER 7:
Deal with him, Number 8!
NUMBER 8 PULLS SOMETHING FROM HIS POCKET AND LETS IT FLY. A THRESHERS CARRIER BAG BOBS ALONG IN THE BREEZE MAKING THE ROARING NOISE THAT THE ROVER BALLOON DID IN 'THE PRISONER'. THE MAN BREAKS INTO A SPRINT WITH THE BAG IN HOT PURSUIT. IT CATCHES HIM AND ENGULFS HIS HEAD. THE MAN THRASHES AROUND ON THE GROUND THEN GOES STILL.
NUMBER 7:
No one leaves The Island!
DRAMATIC MUSICAL ACCENT AND GLORIOUSLY OVEREGGED CRANE SHOT.
Ooh that works nicely this is looking good.
As ever 2 tweaks I'd think of.
1 Can Rover roar and maybe inflated?
2 Can the bloke have a Greggs related secret? Maybe just what goes in the steak bake? or how they make them so tasty.
Quote: sootyj @ December 8 2008, 4:41 PM GMT1 Can Rover roar
He does roar.
But I don't think it should inflate, the fact it's a scraggy plastic bag is all the funny.
Quote: sootyj @ December 8 2008, 4:41 PM GMTOoh that works nicely this is looking good.
As ever 2 tweaks I'd think of.
1 Can Rover roar and maybe inflated?
2 Can the bloke have a Greggs related secret? Maybe just what goes in the steak bake? or how they make them so tasty.
1. I was at a loss to describe the noise it makes. A roar seemed the best word fot it.
2. Nice. Maybe that can come out in part 3.
Quote: David Bussell @ December 8 2008, 4:46 PM GMT1. I was at a loss to describe the noise it makes.
Isn't it a bit like a slowed down toilet flush, the noise it makes? So it's a slowed down water roar sort of noise.
I am an idiot I missed the roar.
And here it is:
You know they're apparently filming a new TV version of The Prisoner? FOOLS!
It's like the Avengers it's one of those shows from the 60s that's impossibly cool and can't be copied.
I may even join the fanclub.
Though I wouldn't be surprised if someone tries to bring back The Avengers in a year or two to have a go at that Saturday DR Who/Merlin/Primevil/Robin Hood family adventure slot.
Saw the Avengers film the other day, actually not all that bad and quite faithful.
I bet you couldn't make a show as mean spirited as The Prisoner these days.
For me the sketch seems to have almost too many ideas, and they're kind of jostling and conflicting to the detriment of the core idea.
The mention of the stag night at the beginning made me assume it was a continuation of the previous night's pranks and that kind of undermined the rest of the sketch. If you have to give a reason for him being there then maybe you hint at what secret he has uncovered - Sooty;s idea about the steak bakes is pretty good.
Why the white lightening? Are these prisoners really tramps - just another detail that confused the issue for me.
The new ending with the carrier back works better, but I still think you could do with deciding what the main focus of the sketch is and building on that while trimming out all the extraneous stuff.
I do think the idea of prisoners on a traffic island is a good one btw.
Bo.
Quote: sootyj @ December 8 2008, 5:12 PM GMTSaw the Avengers film the other day, actually not all that bad and quite faithful.
I bet you couldn't make a show as mean spirited as The Prisoner these days.
You would need someone as hard as Patrick McGoohan which is nigh on imppossible.
Quote: David Bussell @ December 8 2008, 4:13 PM GMTNUMBER 7:
Don't you see? You're a prisoner here.MAN:
I'm not a prisoner, I'm a…NUMBER 7:
…Yes, yes, "a free man" - we've heard it all before.MAN:
Actually, I was going to say baker.NUMBER 7:
Oh.
I'm no expert but I thought that maybe this bit could be shortened a little? I don't know, I don't think it would make much difference.
Also, I thought the almighty quote was: "I'm not a number, I'm a free man!"