EDIT: revised version on page 2
Part one of a runner. Comments welcome as ever.
INT. PATCH OF GRASS – DAY
A NAKED YOUNG MAN LAYS CURLED UP IN A BALL. HE WAKES SURROUNDED BY THREE PECULIAR CHARACTERS, ALL DRESSED IN SMART, RESORT STYLE CLOTHING - THE SORT WORN IN 'THE PRISONER'. THEY ARE NUMBERS 7, 4 AND 8.
MAN:
What the hell?
NUMBER 7:
Calm yourself, young man, you're with friends.
SHE HANDS HIM A JACKET WHICH HE SLIPS INTO. THERE'S A BADGE ON IT WITH A NUMBER 6.
MAN:
(PAINED) My head…
NUMBER 7:
You must conserve your energy. Here, drink this.
SHE HANDS HIM A BOTTLE OF WHITE LIGHTNING.
MAN:
No thank you.
NUMBER 7:
Then eat. These sparrows eggs are fresh today.
MAN:
How did I get here? Oh… the stag (BEAT) Who are you lot?
NUMBER 7:
I am Number 7 and these are my fellow prisoners, Numbers 4 and 8.
MAN:
Prisoners?
NUMBER 4:
Yes, just like yourself.
MAN:
I'm not a prisoner!
NUMBER 7:
Then how do you explain these?
SHE HOLDS UP A PAIR OF HANDCUFFS, THE CHAIN CUT IN TWO. NUMBER 4 HOLDS A PAIR OF WIRE CUTTERS.
MAN:
(RUBBING HIS WRISTS) That was just Gary pissing about.
NUMBER 4:
You think the conspiracy ends with this "Gary". You're so naïve! You're here because you know something!
MAN:
Know what?
NUMBER 7:
That remains to be seen. I for my part discovered a way to skip the piracy advert at the beginning of DVDs. Number 4 here invented the four bean soup. Number 8 knows the secret of The Secret.
NUMBER 8:
(WHISPERING) It's a shit book.
MAN:
But I don't know anything – I work for Greggs the bakers! Just tell me where I am so I can go home.
NUMBER 4:
Nobody knows the location of The Island. The Island is a place of secrets – of danger – where nothing is as it seems!
WE PULL BACK TO SEE THAT THE CHARACTERS ARE IN FACT ON A SMALL TRAFFIC ISLAND. FURTHER DESTROYING THE INTRIGUE, A CAR DRIVES BY AND HONKS.
DRIVER:
Wankers!
NUMBER 7:
(TO THE MAN) You must be exhausted. Here, have some of this brain tonic.
SHE PUSHES THE WHITE LIGHTNING TO HIS LIPS BUT HE KNOCKS IT ASIDE.
MAN:
No! I'm leaving!
NUMBER 7:
Don't you see? There is no escape.
MAN:
What are you talking about - there's a 196 going round right now! Now get out of my way!
NUMBER 4:
(SCREAMING) You fool! No one leaves The Island!
MAN:
I'm out of here, you nutters!
NUMBER 7:
Deal with him, Number 8.
NUMBER 8 PRODUCES A PISTOL. THE MAN MAKES A RUN FOR IT BUT NUMBER 8 FIRES. THE MAN SLUMPS TO THE GROUND, MOTIONLESS. NUMBER 7 GOES OVER TO EXAMINE HIM.
NUMBER 4:
How is he?
NUMBER 7:
He's lucky - the bullet missed his heart by inches (BEAT) and landed in his brain.
END SKETCH
