This is a topical sketch I wrote ages ago... when I was "starting out".
SCENE - LIVING ROOM INT. MAN COMES BURSTING IN HIS FRONT DOOR WITH A VERY WORRIED LOOK IN HIS FACE.
WIFE – Honey, what’s wrong?
HUSBAND DOESN’T EVEN LOOK AT THE WIFE. STARING OUT THE WINDOW. VERY SUSPICIOUS AND NERVOUS
HUSBAND – Don’t you read the papers! There’s an obesity crisis. 23% of people in Britain are now obese! Well I can assure you of one thing our family isn’t going to be one of them!
WIFE – Oh don’t be silly it cant be that many.
HUSBAND – Don’t be ridiculous the papers wouldn’t lie or blow this out of proportion. That’s not like the media.
HUSBAND FINALLY TURNS ROUND TO SEE HIS WIFE AND KIDS ARE OBESE. HE STANDS THERE SHOCKED.
WIFE – Yes I suppose your right. Who wants dinner… deep-fried?
KIDS RAISE THERE HANDS.
KID#1 – me!
KID#2 – me!
MAN – What? When did this happen… you're all obese!
WIFE – you silly goose, we’ve always been like this.
HUSBAND – No, this isn’t right, this isn’t right at all! Kids you're going on a diet starting from now!
KID#1 – but dad I don’t want to go on a diet besides, I can’t open an orange.
HUSBAND – that’s all right their going to be teaching that in schools soon kids! You’re going to be saved… by our government.
THE HUSBAND PASSES BOTH KIDS AN APPLE. ONE BASHES IT INTO HIS EYE. THE OTHER CHILD MERELY LICKS IT. BOTH STOP. NOT LOOKING IMPRESSED.
WIFE – That’s enough George you’re scaring our children! We're going to McDonalds. Come on kids drop that junk and get in the car.
KIDS SMILE WITH INTENT LOOKING WEIRDED OUT AT THEIR DAD, WIFE SLAMS THE DOOR. HUSBAND RUNS UPTO THE DOOR.
HUSBAND – (shouts) At least order the salad!
WIFE – (screams back) sort it out George! When I get back I expect you to be eating something that will damage at least two of your vital organs!
HUSBAND DROPS TO HIS KNEES.
HUSBAND – Noooooo!!!
END.
