British Comedy Guide
Please donate to help support British comedy at all levels. Thank you. Find out more

Song Sketch

Does this one work?

JOE IS STANDING ON HIS OWN WAITING FOR A LIFT. HARRY WALKS OVER.

Joe (singing): I'll be queer.

Harry: Bloody hell! Don't sing that! And anyway, it's 'I'll be there' not 'I'll be queer'.

Joe: Are you sure?

Harry: Yes. Positive.

Joe: The Michael Jackson song?

Harry: Yes. He sung 'I'll be there', when he was in the Jackson 5 I think.

Joe: Oh right. I actually prefer my version if I'm being honest.

Harry: I wouldn't sing it too loud if I were you though. I mean....

Joe (singing): 'I'll be queer'.

Harry: Pack it in! Someone will hear you! (PAUSES) And it's homophobic!

Joe: Don't be stupid. How can a song have a star sign?

Harry: Jesus! 'Homophobic' isn't a star sign you idiot! It's a...

JOE STARTS TO HUM THE SONG.

Harry: Oh please yourself.

HARRY SMACKS THE LIFT DOOR

Harry (cont'd): Bloody lift playing up again! I'll take the stairs.

Joe: No need (PAUSE) Here it is. (SMILES)

LIFT DOOR OPENS. HARRY WALKS IN.

Joe (cont'd): And I wouldn't get too worked up about the song if I was you.

Harry: Why?

Joe: Because you wont hear it again.

Harry: That's good.

LIFT DOOR SHUTS.

Joe: I will be singing it at your funeral though.

LIFT DOOR SHUTS. WE HEAR HARRY SCREAM. ON THE CLOSED LIFT DOOR WE SEE A SIGN SAYING "LIFT OUT OF ORDER, PLEASE USE STAIRS" JOE WALKS DOWN THE STAIRS SINGING.

Share this page