The ideal sketch for NR/TS

My success rate isn't great but from what I've learned and read in successful sketches, they want (in the simplest terms):

1) Brevity (2 page sketches).
2) Constant jokes (even weaker or '118' groaners, as long as the momentum is kept)
3) A little bit of spin on the theme.
4) Finish on a joke.

So - pick a story, spin it so it's not everyone else's angle, every other line a joke, finish on a good one - all in 2 pages.

Is that right? Can any of the successful sketch writers amend that ridiculously basic template?

Close but I'd say,

1 1-2 double spaced pages.
2 Simple recognisable jokes.
3 Punchline.
4 Obsenity, scatology etc are all good.
5 Don't overthink.
6 Have a few definably obviously funny lines. 1 good line can sell an entire sketch.
7 Punchline carried out by a special effect, or surprise walk on character are all good.
8 Have a famous dignified character shit themselves, shag, swear or do all 3 at the same time.

They like that!

Cracking stuff sootyj - you're evermore my guru. I don't suppose you'd mind writing my next one for me..?

I got zero in this run, so I maybe more of a Poo-ru.

They will always use 2-3 shock factor gags a week.

Also if you can do it well a tribute sketch can sell well.

e.g. Parrot sketch with Brown going to Mervyn King this economy's dead!

It's not dead it's just dormant.

Tell you what - that's not a bad idea.

I don't get to see the shows from Wales - so that's invaluable advice.