First of a series I'm working on... comments appreciated
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INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - BIGTOWN UNITED F.C. - DAY
MANAGER SIR RON VENISON SITS AT THE TABLE NEXT TO NEW SIGNING
JERZY SPCNYCZYNKSCHPYNKZCYCHISNZCP
NAME TAGS IN FRONT OF THEM - JERZY'S IS ABSURDLY LONG TO FIT HIS LAST NAME. TEAM SPONSOR LOGOS FILL THE BACKGROUND BEHIND THEM - "AVARICE PLC: BEER, BETTING, TRAVEL"
BEHIND US, (O.S) , THE SPORTING PRESS IS BUZZING WITH NOISE.
SIR RON:
...Alright ladies and gentlemen, one more and that's it for today... in the back there, what's your question?
REPORTER NO. 1 : (O.S.)
Peter Wally - Pointless Sporting News. So Jerzy, here you are, British record transfer fee for a defender. Thirty thousand a week, and more if you play a game. How do you respond to those that say you are too injury prone? After all, you did only play twice last season.
JERZY:
(SMILES) Is no problem for me. I happy with the fitness. I ready for the team this season to help. It is big exaggeration, yes? I think maybe people jealous, no?
SIR RON:
Thank you all, and now I'd like to officially welcome Jerzy to the BIGTOWN UNITED team. Congratulations, and here is your new jersey, Jerzy....
RON AND JERZY SHAKE HANDS. RON HOLDS OUT THE NEW NUMBER 5 SHIRT. HE FIRST SHOWS THE BACK, PRINTED ON IT IS JERZY'S LAST NAME - SO LONG THAT IT WORD-WRAPS WITH HYPHENS ACROSS 3 OR 4 LINES. HE THEN SHOWS THE FRONT, WITH THE AVARICE LOGO BIG AND BOLD. CAMERAS FLASH AS JERZY PUTS HIS ARM THROUGH THE SLEEVE - THE ARM BREAKS WITH A LOUD SNAP - IT DANGLES RIDICULOUSLY IN ITS NEW SLEEVE.
REPORTER NO. 2
His arm's broken!!!
JERZY
(unconcerned) Is nothing for me, ok? I meet with physio. Will be good. I ready for Saturday.
SIR RON:
Show's over Ladies and Gentlemen. Thank you all for coming.
RON STANDS UP FROM THE CONFERENCE TABLE AND WALKS BEHIND JERZY, WHO IS STILL SITTING. RON PUSHES JERZY ON HIS WHEELCHAIR, WHICH HAD PREVIOUSLY BEEN HIDDEN FROM VIEW. JERZY HAS ONE LEG IN A FULL-LENGTH PLASTER CAST - THE AVARICE LOGO IS EMBLAZONED ON THE SIDE OF THE CAST, AND THE BACK OF THE WHEELCHAIR.
BANK NOTES SPILL FROM SACKS OF MONEY HANGING FROM THE WHEELCHAIR.
AS HE MOVES ALONG, SIR RON LEANS DOWN TO PICK UP THE CASH, REPLACING SOME OF IT INTO THE BAGS, AND SOME INTO HIS POCKETS.