Hi, Here's the latest in my series of sketches about two slightly psychotic tabloid journalists. This time, they order a drink from an immigrant.
SPONGERS!
INT DAY. A COFFEE SHOP. A MALE AND A FEMALE TABLOID JOURNALIST ORDER A DRINK FROM A MALE ASSISTANT.
Female hack:
It’s chocoholic Britain!
Man:
That’s two hot chocolates, then? £3.50 please.
Male hack:
Immigrant scroungers fleece brave Brits.
Female hack:
Now ‘our boys’ can’t afford kit.
Male hack:
Number of spongers swells by 500% in one year!
Man:
Actually I came over with my brother 5 years ago..
Female hack:
And still they come!
Man:
And my wife.
Male hack:
5 wives and 10 brothers – and guess what –YOU are paying for them!
Female hack:
Bollywood wives!
Man:
Bollywood refers to Mumbai based cinema made for largely Hindi people. I’m a Muslim.
Female hack:
UK says ‘Ban the veil!’
Man:
Shouldn’t you be more tolerant?
Male hack
Now Muslims tell us how to run our lives!
Female hack:
Send them back!
THE ASSISTANT GOES TO ADD SUGAR, THE MALE HACK GRABS HIS HAND.
Male hack:
Asian terror plot to poison our choccies!
Man:
I'm Tunisian.
THE JOURNALISTS SNATCH THE DRINKS AND FLEE WITHOUT PAYING.
Female hack:
Arab terror bid thwarted!
THEY EXIT
Man:
Freeloading hacks in Big Ron-style race slur!
CUT
