I was sure someone else posted "club queue" sketch recently but it seems to have disappeared. Anyway...
EXT. OUTSIDE NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT
IN A QUEUE OUTSIDE A NIGHTCLUB A LARGE LAD, RONNIE, IS NUDGED FROM IN FRONT. HE TAKES A STEP BACK AND SLIGHTLY BUMPS INTO ANOTHER LARGE LAD, DAVE, STANDING BEHIND HIM.
RONNIE
Oops! Sorry, mate
DAVE
No problem.
CALM IS RESTORED BUT SUDDENLY FROM BEHIND DAVE A SMALL ANGRY-FACED GIRL, KELLY, POPS OUT.
KELLY
What... the... hell do you think you're doing?
DAVE
It's alright, Kelly. Leave it.
KELLY
You think you're the big man, do you? Think you can just push people about?
DAVE
Kelly, it's fine. He said he's sorry.
KELLY
Oh, he will be – once we've wiped that smug look off his fat face! Unleash hell, Dave!
KELLY TRIES PUSHING DAVE TOWARDS RONNIE. SUDDENLY FROM BEHIND RONNIE ANOTHER SMALL ANGRY-FACED GIRL, TINA, POPS OUT.
TINA
Woah, woah, woah! What's going on here?
RONNIE
It's okay, Tina. Nothing's going on.
KELLY
Yeah, nothing - except laughing boy here is about to take a one-way trip to pain town.
DAVE
Kelly, please!
TINA
Is that right? And who's buying the ticket? This big powder puff? My man will snap him like a twiglet.
TINA TRIES TO PUSH RONNIE TOWARDS DAVE
KELLY
Right, we'll see about that. Dave, flatten him!
KELLY TRIES TO PUSH DAVE TOWARDS RONNIE. NEITHER LAD IS SHIFTING.
DAVE
Calm down, would you. No one's hitting anyone.
TINA
Ha! I knew it! He doesn't have the balls!
KELLY
Oh, he's got balls. Bigger balls than your lame excuse for a man!
TINA
Yeah?
KELLY
Yeah!
TINA
Yeah?
KELLY
Yeah!
KELLY AND TINA ARE SEETHING FACE TO SEETHING FACE - TWO FURIOUS SPITFIRES. THERE IS A MOMENTARY STAND-OFF.
TINA
Ronnie, get your balls out.
RONNIE
What?
KELLY
You too, Dave. We'll see who's swinging the biggest sack here!
DAVE
No chance!
KELLY
Dave, don't embarrass me! Show them your big balls!
KELLY AND TINA POUNCE ON THEIR RESPECTIVE BOYFRIENDS, TRYING TO UNZIP THEIR FLIES.
AFTER A SHORT STRUGGLE THE GROUP REALISE THEY ARE AT THE FRONT OF THE QUEUE WHERE A LARGE MALE BOUNCER WAITS. THEY SETTLE DOWN.
BOUNCER
I don't think so folks. Not tonight.
KELLY
What! We've been in this queue for ages. Tell him Dave!
TINA
We're going nowhere! Ronnie, do something.
KELLY AND TINA TRY TO PUSH THEIR MEN TOWARDS THE BOUNCER.
SUDDENLY FROM BEHIND THE BOUNCER A SMALL ANGRY-FACED FEMALE BOUNCER POPS OUT.
FEMALE BOUNCER
What's all this commotion?
THE THREE GIRLS START ARGUING AND PUSHING THEIR MEN TOWARDS EACH OTHER.
THE MEN SHRUG AT EACH OTHER APOLOGETICALLY. THEY EACH PICK UP THEIR PARTNERS AND CARRY THEM OFF IN DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS AS THE WOMAN CONTINUE TO SHOUT AT EACH OTHER.
END