British Comedy Guide

The Cocktail Sheik.

BATMAN AND ROBIN ARE TIED UP BACK TO BACK.

ROBIN

Holy transubstansiation Batman we're more nailed than Martin Luther's proposal.

BATMAN

But which of our fiendish foes has foiled us, the Joker, the Penguin, the Mad Hatter?

ENTER A MAN DRESSED AS A DRINKS CABINET WEARING A TURBAN, HE IS THE COCKTAIL SHEIK.

COCKTAIL

It is I the cocktail sheik, the world's most evil mixologist. Now meet my sweet, yet sticky band of evil; Midori,

A BRIGHT GREEN ORIENTAL DRAGON LADY APPEARS.

Benedict-crime.

AN EVIL MONK APPEARS.

Grenade-deen.

A SOLDIER DRESSED IN PURPLE WITH A BANDOLEER OF GRENADES.

And Gin and chronic.

TWO GANGSTER RAPPERS ARMED WITH LEMON SLICES AND ANGOSTOURA BITTERS.

BATMAN BURTS OUT LAUGHING.

ROBIN

Holy Dick Whittington, what a bunch of twats.

BATMAN.

Usually I'd disaprove of swearing, but they do like a bunch of c**ts old chum.

BATMAN AND ROBIN KEEP LAUGHING.

COCKTAIL

Shut up, shut up stop laughing.

BATMAN

Or you'll get all shook up?

ROBIN

Harvey bang us against a wall?

COCKTAIL

Look all the cool supervillain names were gone, Nightbane, the Riddler, the Joker. I got left with the Cocktail Sheik. I'm so going to kill you.

ROBIN

What choke us on a poorly mixed Cheeky Vimto?

COCKTAIL

No I'm going to make a Bathattan and Robin cocktail, bring out my atomic mixelator.

GRENADE-GREEN PUSHES ON A GIANT COCKTAIL MIXER.

COCKTAIL

Soon you will be shaken into a....stop laughing!

BATMAN AND ROBIN ARE AGAIN LAUGHING.

THE OTHER 3 VILLAINS HAVE BROUGHT ON A HUGE MARTINI GLASS, A FOOTBALL SIZED MARACHINO CHERRY AND A 6FOOT COCKTAIL UMBRELLA.

COCKTAIL

You're not helping.

I know this is a bump, but well forgive me I thought this wasn't so bad.

Being an incurable punster I found this, and then I read it. And then I laughed. Didn't get the giant cocktail bits, tho.

Well at least you waited a little while before you bumped.

Nice idea, like the c**ts line, although the repetition of 'bunch' irks a little but that's just me I think. Could do with a tweak and tighten maybe, but, you know, liked it.

It's quite original (having said that, it kinda reminds me of the movie Mystery Men), which sadly I quite liked, you know that a bit over the top slapstic kind of humour.

I think that this is more of a visual sketch that a reading one. So to have it performed where we can see all the outrageous costumes would bring the sketch to life, as it were. May need a bit of refining here and there, but not bad at all. :)

Thanks all the cocktail bits are supposed to be in the original series they'd use ridiculouse machines to threaten Bats.
And in this case they're especially stupid.

Maybe it's vain but I laugh whenever I reread this.

Quote: sootyj @ March 18 2010, 1:14 PM GMT

Maybe it's vain but I laugh whenever I reread this.

I laughed too :D Great stuff.

I think you could lose a couple of the puns. For me they start to get in the way of the funniest bits which I think are the Cocktail sheik angry at Batman and Robin for mocking what is a very real problem for him.

This bit made me chuckle most and not a pun in sight.... Unless a flaming Twat is a drink?

Quote: sootyj @ March 18 2010, 1:14 PM GMT

ROBIN
Holy Dick Whittington, what a bunch of twats.

BATMAN.
Usually I'd disaprove of swearing, but they do like a bunch of c**ts old chum.

Nahjsut good old swearing and character comedy.

I think it's hilarious,
I've only just seen it

Laughing out loud

Agree with ShoePie re: too many puns but this is one of your better ones. I did get the ending with the giant cocktail pieces and thought that it would make an excellent visual to close on.

Perhaps the Cocktail sheik should have more cocktail paraphenalia like a melon baller to scoop out enemies' eyes, etc?

:)

Now you're thinking like Sootyj.

I liked this. Didn't need the swearing though, you c**t.

Oh I thought the swearing made it happen.

F**king shit-sticky-bollox

Quote: sootyj @ March 29 2010, 4:49 PM GMT

Oh I thought the swearing made it happen.

F**king shit-sticky-bollox

Not for me, it just pulled me out of the action. Keep it true to the source I say.

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