Kebabulous Page 3

Quote: David Bussell @ November 19 2008, 8:41 AM GMT

I can't say I saw the punchline coming but I wasn't all that surprised when it arrived. Severed penises are something of a speciality of yours aren't they, Lee? Anyone would think you had a castration complex or something.

For me, the point I laughed was when the face appeared on the kebab. That's your punchline. So here's how I think the sketch should go...

1. INT. KEBABULOUS KEBAB SHOP. NIGHT.

A BLOKE AND HIS GIRLFRIEND COME INTO THE SHOP. THEY'RE BOTH A BIT MERRY FROM A NIGHT OUT. STELIOS THE OWNER, FAT, MOUSTACHED, SEEDY-LOOKING, GREETS THEM WITH A WIDE GRIN. TOO WIDE.

STELIOS:
Yes please, what can I get you?

BLOKE:
Donner kebab please mate.

STELIOS NODS AND WALKS OFF TOWARDS THE ROTATING KEBAB MEAT, STILL GRINNING.

GIRL:
Eurgh, you're not having one of those are you? God knows what's in that meat.

THE BLOKE DRUNKENLY DISMISSES HIS GIRLFRIEND WITH A WAVE OF HIS HAND AND BEGINS READING "NUTS" MAG ON THE COUNTER.

THE GIRL WATCHES STELIOS IN DISGUST AS HE RAISES THE CIRCULAR CUTTING SAW AND STARTS SHAVING THE HORRIBLE SWEATY MEAT OFF. AS THE MEAT ROTATES, SOMETHING COMES INTO VIEW. IT'S A FACE. A HORRIBLE, HUMAN FACE IN KEBAB FORM, STICKING OUT OF THE ROTATING MEAT, PLEADING EYES WIDE IN TERROR. IT FIXES HER WITH A STARE.

MEAT FACE:
(HOARSE, HISSING) Please...help...me!

THE GIRL SCREAMS AND POINTS AT THE FACE AS IT ROTATES OUT OF VIEW. HER BOYFRIEND LOOKS UP FROM HIS MAG.

BLOKE:
What?

END SKETCH

View original

That's more or less actually how it did originally end actually. But I added the other bit because I was thinking they might want to squeeze a bit more out of the gag considering there'd have to be money spent on CGI.

But I think you're right - I've over-extended the joke. I shall reduce it forthwith.

But I'm still determined to get a severed cock on camera.

Cheers Bussell

It made me think of the League Of Gentleman. And contrary to what David just said, I think it might benefit from going on even longer. There's a sort of awful inevitability to a rotating kebab, and it could be really funny if the girl is the only one who sees the face as it keeps appearing... Not sure how long you could milk it for, though.

The "inviting people to eat me" idea was in The Restaurant At The End Of The University, so probably best to avoid that, but you could make the kebab man more cheerful.

What if she sees the face three times, and something happens every time to ensure nobody else notices, and each time the face just tries to have a chat... And after the third time she runs to the toilet in the back and vomits... And then the face forms in the puke and carries on talking?

Then again, it's great as it is. Don't change a word.

Except, what if it's not a kebab shop, but a roller disco?

etc

Another sequel where mr Mr Meatface advertises local business's?

Been out for the night.
Night bus out of sight.

Ahmed's cabs are the chaps.
Ahmed's cabs from Mr Kebab.

Quote: Mike Greybloke @ November 19 2008, 9:56 AM GMT

Then again, it's great as it is. Don't change a word.

View original

Gaaaaah!

Cheers for that - this sketch is doing my head in. So many conflicting opinions! Maybe that's a good thing, I don't know.

Can I have a go?

1. INT. KEBABULOUS KEBAB SHOP. NIGHT.

A BLOKE AND HIS GIRLFRIEND COME INTO THE SHOP. THEY'RE BOTH A BIT MERRY FROM A NIGHT OUT. STELIOS THE OWNER, FAT, MOUSTACHED, SEEDY-LOOKING, GREETS THEM WITH A WIDE GRIN. TOO WIDE.

STELIOS:
Yes please, what can I get you?

BLOKE:
Donner kebab please mate.

STELIOS NODS AND WALKS OFF TOWARDS THE ROTATING KEBAB MEAT, STILL GRINNING.

GIRL:
Eurgh, you're not having one of those are you? You know that meat is just disgusting reclaimed bits of sinew and gristle.

THE BLOKE DRUNKENLY DISMISSES HIS GIRLFRIEND WITH A WAVE OF HIS HAND AND BEGINS READING "NUTS" MAG ON THE COUNTER.

THE GIRL WATCHES STELIOS IN DISGUST AS HE RAISES THE CIRCULAR CUTTING SAW AND STARTS SHAVING THE HORRIBLE SWEATY MEAT OFF. AS THE MEAT ROTATES, SOMETHING COMES INTO VIEW. IT'S A FACE. A HORRIBLE, HUMAN FACE IN KEBAB FORM, STICKING OUT OF THE ROTATING MEAT, PLEADING EYES WIDE IN TERROR. IT FIXES HER WITH A STARE.

MEAT FACE:
(HOARSE, HISSING) Ooh, you bitch!

END SKETCH

Warning - Weak Pun Alert! Warning - Weak Pun Alert!

What about making the face that of MaraDonner's and have Terry Butcher feast on his Diego hand at the end. You could even have Terry wearing a bloodied pitta bread hat (in the style of his bloody bandage).

If your ending it at that point, maybe...

THE GIRL WATCHES STELIOS IN DISGUST AS HE RAISES THE CIRCULAR CUTTING SAW AND STARTS SHAVING THE HORRIBLE SWEATY MEAT OFF. AS THE MEAT ROTATES, SOMETHING COMES INTO VIEW. IT'S A FACE. A HORRIBLE MANS FACE IN KEBAB FORM, STICKING OUT OF THE ROTATING MEAT, IT FIXES HER WITH A STARE.

MEAT FACE:
(HOARSE, HISSING, LICKING LIPS SEDUCTIVELY) Ooh, you want some bitch!

THE GIRL SCREAMS AND POINTS AT THE FACE. HER BOYFRIEND CASUALLY LOOKS UP FROM HIS MAG OBVIOUSLY SEEING EXACTLY WHAT SHE'S SEEING.

BLOKE:
Yeah, and?

END SKETCH