Kebabulous Page 2

Quote: ShoePie @ November 18 2008, 8:42 PM GMT

Another very funny sketch, I love the unexpected horror! I thought it lost it a tiny bit after the face's first appearance but then picked up great with the Pickle Cock!

Also! I must say I resent you turning me into a brown nosing sycophant. Write something rubbish please. A good day to you Sir!

Mr Pie

P.S. I don't really know what the word Sycophant means, if it doesn't mean what I think it means then great!! You've exposed me as an idiot too!! Happy?!

View original

May I reciprocate Mr Shoepie and state that your Project Shitstorm sketch is a big pile of dog's testicles. (In a good way!)

I guessed but the shock factor beats the reveal.

It's unsubtle in a Southpark/Chris Morris way.

e.g. it may be predictable but it's got enough oomph to still work.

Quote: ShoePie @ November 18 2008, 8:42 PM GMT

P.S. I don't really know what the word Sycophant means,

View original

I think it's a sort of deranged elephant isn't it?

Anyhooo...

Wasn't entirely sure about the sketch. It seemed to read more as a sort of excerpt from a quasi-horror story type thingy than a funny sketch - what with the face and the pleading etc.

I didn't see the ending coming mind - but being honest it didn't make me lol. I Felt that overall it sort of missed the mark a tad and that there's a better draft lurking in there somewhere.

Quote: Blenkinsop @ November 18 2008, 9:27 PM GMT

I think it's a sort of deranged elephant isn't it?

Anyhooo...

Wasn't entirely sure about the sketch. It seemed to read more as a sort of excerpt from a quasi-horror story type thingy than a funny sketch - what with the face and the pleading etc.

I didn't see the ending coming mind - but being honest it didn't make me lol. I Felt that overall it sort of missed the mark a tad and that there's a better draft lurking in there somewhere.

View original

Hmmm this is what I wondering - whether it's a bit too dark. I'm thinking of making the meatface more jocular and jolly, as if he doesn't mind what's happening really.

Cheers

Quote: Lee Henman @ November 18 2008, 9:38 PM GMT

Hmmm this is what I wondering - whether it's a bit too dark. I'm thinking of making the meatface more jocular and jolly, as if he doesn't mind what's happening really.

Cheers

View original

You could have the meat face thing inviting customers to sample him? Talking them into it after they become wary? Still screaming as strips are sliced off, but loving it too.Maybe even loving the pain in a semi-sexual way???

Quote: Lee Henman @ November 18 2008, 7:35 PM GMT

That's what I was wondering - whether or not it's too horrible to be funny.

View original

Perhaps more shocking than funny; if you could find a way of gagging it up the premise could work.

Quote: Matthew Stott @ November 18 2008, 9:40 PM GMT

You could have the meat face thing inviting customers to sample him? Talking them into it after they become wary? Still screaming as strips are sliced off, but loving it too.Maybe even loving the pain in a semi-sexual way???

View original

Isn't that going even darker? I like it though...

maybe he sings a little song or something too. A crooning lump of kebab meat would be wonderful.

"You know you want to try me
So go ahead and buy me
I'm foul and rather slimy
Ken Kebab

I'm made of snouts and trotters
And minced-up bits of otters
But no-ones quite as hot as
Ken Kebab"

etc

Yeah I think you've hit it Lee. It maybe reads a bit too dark but might be funnier acted out

Quote: Lee Henman @ November 18 2008, 9:51 PM GMT

Isn't that going even darker? I like it though...

View original

Well, nothing wrong with dark, is there? Though I would say you could certainly do it in a just plain silly way that isn't at all dark.

I liked it up til the punchline. Might it be more appropriate if it was a tongue in his kebab - though visually I'm not sure how that would work. Also, are pickles usually on kebabs - I'm nit-picking, sorry.

But I do like the image of the face on the kebab - I think it just needs to go somewhere else after that or perhaps have something before it with the face as the punchline.

Bo.

Lee I can vision a sequel to this, mind if I post it?

Quote: sootyj @ November 18 2008, 10:28 PM GMT

Lee I can vision a sequel to this, mind if I post it?

View original

go ahead

Quote: Bohannon @ November 18 2008, 10:25 PM GMT

I liked it up til the punchline. Might it be more appropriate if it was a tongue in his kebab - though visually I'm not sure how that would work. Also, are pickles usually on kebabs - I'm nit-picking, sorry.

View original

I first thought about a big toe but it just seemed a bit wimpy compared to the rest of the sketch.

Yes, you do get pickles on kebavs - pickled chillis usually. Or is that a Northern thing?

Quote: Matthew Stott @ November 18 2008, 10:15 PM GMT

Well, nothing wrong with dark, is there? Though I would say you could certainly do it in a just plain silly way that isn't at all dark.

View original

Oh God I don't know now - everyone's saying different things - like it, don't like it, like the punchline, don't like the punchline, funny, not funny, too dark, go darker etc. It's like a microcosm of the entire comedy industry - nobody can agree on anything

I think I'll sleep on it

Good one, think it works darkly but can see the value of having the meat complicit.
In which case could have the face change to pain at the end "Ah no, no me cock, oh, the pain." Or Stelios offers them a complimentary cocktail wiener, etc, etc.

Oops, didn't really help your indecision did I. Best sleep on it and make your own choice.

Hey that bloody savleoy pund extra innit.

I can't say I saw the punchline coming but I wasn't all that surprised when it arrived. Severed penises are something of a speciality of yours aren't they, Lee? Anyone would think you had a castration complex or something.

For me, the point I laughed was when the face appeared on the kebab. That's your punchline. So here's how I think the sketch should go...

1. INT. KEBABULOUS KEBAB SHOP. NIGHT.

A BLOKE AND HIS GIRLFRIEND COME INTO THE SHOP. THEY'RE BOTH A BIT MERRY FROM A NIGHT OUT. STELIOS THE OWNER, FAT, MOUSTACHED, SEEDY-LOOKING, GREETS THEM WITH A WIDE GRIN. TOO WIDE.

STELIOS:
Yes please, what can I get you?

BLOKE:
Donner kebab please mate.

STELIOS NODS AND WALKS OFF TOWARDS THE ROTATING KEBAB MEAT, STILL GRINNING.

GIRL:
Eurgh, you're not having one of those are you? God knows what's in that meat.

THE BLOKE DRUNKENLY DISMISSES HIS GIRLFRIEND WITH A WAVE OF HIS HAND AND BEGINS READING "NUTS" MAG ON THE COUNTER.

THE GIRL WATCHES STELIOS IN DISGUST AS HE RAISES THE CIRCULAR CUTTING SAW AND STARTS SHAVING THE HORRIBLE SWEATY MEAT OFF. AS THE MEAT ROTATES, SOMETHING COMES INTO VIEW. IT'S A FACE. A HORRIBLE, HUMAN FACE IN KEBAB FORM, STICKING OUT OF THE ROTATING MEAT, PLEADING EYES WIDE IN TERROR. IT FIXES HER WITH A STARE.

MEAT FACE:
(HOARSE, HISSING) Please...help...me!

THE GIRL SCREAMS AND POINTS AT THE FACE AS IT ROTATES OUT OF VIEW. HER BOYFRIEND LOOKS UP FROM HIS MAG.

BLOKE:
What?

END SKETCH