British Comedy Guide

118 118 Need Jokes Page 26

Writing Comedy by John Byrne has a good section on different types of jokes. They include:

Literal and multiple meanings, e.g;
'I've got one deaf ear, I found it on the floor of a barbershop in Glasgow.'

Seeing a word and then using it in a different context.
'I just came back from the sheepdog trials, three sheepdogs were found guilty.'

Using words such as 'for' or 'on' or 'before' to trick the reader; e.g;
'What's Nat West short for? They ran out of money.'

'Do you agree with sex before marriage? Not if it holds up the ceremony.'

Double entendres:
'I'd like to buy some deoderant, please.'
'The ball type?'
'No, it's for under my arms'.

Backwards Writing:
'Have you heard the joke about the doomsday cult? No, oh well, it's not the end of the world.'

Telling the truth:
'The World Food Summit. That's where all the world leaders get together to discuss solutions to global poverty and starvation. And then go for a really good meal.'

Confirmations and contradictions:
'The Archbishop of Canterbury says horoscopes are just supernatural mumbo-jumbo.
He's bound to be sceptical - he's a Taurus.'

Using common cliches or phrases:
'I spent £80 on a tattoo on my left arm and £80 on a tattoo on my right arm as I wanted to balance transfers.'

And of course puns:
'What do you call a stupid gypsy? A retarred.'

Ahh, much obliged Nigel

Quote: Rob0 @ January 12 2009, 11:36 PM GMT

:P
Apologies - am toying with adding a strategic r to that last one

Keeps your rs to yourself

:D

Thanks for the joke samples. Why did I forget that structure? I'm stoopid.

Yay! I sold my first joke!

Thats one tick on the new years resolution list already and its still January.

Especially happy since I had convinced myself that Grahams message the other day was aimed solely at me!

Quote: Tom G @ January 13 2009, 9:31 AM GMT

Especially happy since I had convinced myself that Grahams message the other day was aimed solely at me!

It was. :P

Phew! I had the same fears, but if it was all Tom G...

;)

Dan

Scored two and hit the post with one!

I like yours.

They seem to be a bit "behind" as the joke of mine they used this time round, I submitted to them before Christmas.

Here's a few of mine that I DIDN'T send in: :P

Did you hear about the camp magician?
He was gone in a poof.

New talent show for excrement. New Faeces.

What is a pervert's favourite shampoo?
Touch And Go.

They're making a reality TV show about prostitutes.
It's called Big Brothel.

My local fast food restaurant is bringing out a food range emulating genitals.
The Meat And Two Veg and the Fur Burger.

The shampoo one I'm sure is reworkable.

Did you get the e-mail today?

someone remind me - wjat's the max character limit on these again?

11000,000

kidding it's a 110

Few here that mightn't get past the censor's pen...

The Porno All-Stars have just announced the appointment of a new high-profile manager.
Arse and Finger.

What's the cry of a nymphomaniac hen?
Any cock'll do!

Where does Prince Harry put his clean washing?
In the Aryan cupboard.

Did you know that the chemist who invented Anusol made piles of money?

Fnarr fnarr!

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