That's two of you who wrote that one now! I hope you both get paid!
118 118 Need Jokes Page 13
Quote: Mikey J @ November 29 2008, 5:51 PM GMTWahhhey! I wrote this one.
Now I'M also famous in The Sun!
Hee hee. Congrats! So which do you think is the greater achievement - getting your work profiled on 118 - or in the Sun?
My mate has got wind of this 118 thing and is compiling some jokes, one of which is "I say I say I say. My Dog has two c**ts. How does he smell? Terrible!"
I've tried to explain to him the rules but he won't listen. 
Quote: Lee Henman @ November 29 2008, 4:53 PM GMTHow weird. I also sent in the Wedgie Kray joke and that most definitely is an original of mine - I sold it to a card company years ago. Still, I suppose it's quite an obvious gag.
We'll have to see which one of us gets paid for it!
But I think in the narrow band of acceptable jokes for 118 118 it's inevitable we'l end up pissing on each others shoes.
SHIT! I didn't really know just how narrow a band of acceptibility i was dealing with when i sent mine in. I've been in a huff that they didn't accept these:
How did Jade Goody keep the flies out of her kitchen? She took a shit in her living room.
What's gray, has two left feet and likes to eat curry? John Sargeant-Major.
What entertainer intuitively knows how to find fun in parks? George Michael: the bog whisperer.
Who likes marmalade, heroin and comes from Peru? Kings Cross bear.
Who goes seal clubbing and visits a shrink? Cletus the bi-polar bear.
Who grabs nuts and sits on a skinhead's living room floor? Vinnie the Pooh.
Who's 19, twice divorced and bringing out a hit single 'Long and hard'? Miley Cyrus in 4 years.
To which family do the cannabis, coca and poppy plants belong? The Osbournes.
How do you describe Gordon Blunkett with cotton wool in his ears? Any way you like he can't read this.
Why did the Arabian scouser cross the road? To get to the 2nd hand shop.
What's the most common bird in Britain? Tracey the chavinch.
Which ageing decrepid airline wants to go to the stars? BRyanairMays.
What's got four legs, a tracksuit and a toddler in it's mouth? Burberus the hound from Hull.
It's an outrage i tell you. I'm off to find some old childrens joke books.
Quote: Beelzebozo @ November 30 2008, 2:28 AM GMTSHIT! I didn't really know just how narrow a band of acceptibility i was dealing with when i sent mine in. I've been in a huff that they didn't accept these:
How did Jade Goody keep the flies out of her kitchen? She took a shit in her living room.
What's gray, has two left feet and likes to eat curry? John Sargeant-Major.
What entertainer intuitively knows how to find fun in parks? George Michael: the bog whisperer.
Who likes marmalade, heroin and comes from Peru? Kings Cross bear.
Who goes seal clubbing and visits a shrink? Cletus the bi-polar bear.
Who grabs nuts and sits on a skinhead's living room floor? Vinnie the Pooh.
Who's 19, twice divorced and bringing out a hit single 'Long and hard'? Miley Cyrus in 4 years.
To which family do the cannabis, coca and poppy plants belong? The Osbournes.
How do you describe Gordon Blunkett with cotton wool in his ears? Any way you like he can't read this.
Why did the Arabian scouser cross the road? To get to the 2nd hand shop.
What's the most common bird in Britain? Tracey the chavinch.
Which ageing decrepid airline wants to go to the stars? BRyanairMays.
What's got four legs, a tracksuit and a toddler in it's mouth? Burberus the hound from Hull.
F**k me
"How did Jade Goody keep the flies out of her kitchen? She took a shit in her living room."
What does that even mean? 
I also sent chavinch!
Some goodies there I love the Berberus one (bit intellectual maybe?)
Why was Jade Goody feeling guilty?
Something was eating her up from the inside.
Ha! So you'll be sending that in then sooty.
Nah, no chance of it being used.
Did send, I'm so old I thought Applemac was a Dyslexic Scottish grocer.
Quote: Lee Henman @ November 30 2008, 2:34 AM GMTF**k me
"How did Jade Goody keep the flies out of her kitchen? She took a shit in her living room."
What does that even mean?
I thought that was the best one!
Hee hee. Congrats! So which do you think is the greater achievement - getting your work profiled on 118 - or in the Sun?
I think BOTH are cool. 
I even bought The Sun newspaper on Saturday, just for the article. lol
All topical writers should read the Sun.
Any one else want to fire up their discussion boards?
Well got the latest figures I got 4, Nigel 2, Mikeyj 1 and Lee 1.
Yeah just got that. Maybe I'll send some more then - I only sent a handful in. Do we get to know which ones they chose or what?
Sooty how are you getting paid? Cheque or straight in Le Banque?
BACS takes about 4-6 weeks.
They did say which one in the first few weeks, but haven't heard since.