INT. Lecture Theatre
(There is a tutor at the front of the room with three students sitting at desks in front of them. There is a ticking in the background throughout this scene)
STUDENT
Sir
TUTOR
Yes?
STUDENT
Can you hear that ticking?
TUTOR
No time for your questions boy - we have work to be getting on with. Today we will be learning how to write a sketch. Pens and paper at the ready.. and we shall begin. Okay everyone - first of all you should look around your surroundings.. find something that interests you and then use that as your title. Write your title down.
STUDENT
(looks around the room and thinks for a bit before writing down a title on his paper, reading it out proudly as he does so) How to write a sketch... the sketch
TUTOR
Once you have your title, think about where you might set your sketch. It should be an original setting - don't not pick the obvious or the first place that comes into your head.
(Student realises he is in a lecture hall and is suddenly transported to a park)
TUTOR
But please make sure you only have one setting, anymore than this and it gets far too confusing. And certainly don't change the setting half way though.
(The student looks annoyed and is suddenly transported back to the lecture hall)
TUTOR
Think of the punch line first and then work backwards, but make sure you have set the joke up from the beginning so that the punchline is clear.
STUDENT
The ticking Sir..! I think its coming from under your desk..
TUTOR
Hush boy! The fourth rule is that you should make sure you have no more than three characters in your sketch at any one time.
(student looks around realises there is two other students as well as him and the tutor.)
THIRD STUDENT
(his phone rings so he answers it) What? She's dead? Oh my God are you sure? I'll come straight away. (he runs out the class)
TUTOR
Step Five: Give your characters real names to help with the creative process. Are you writing this down Timothy? Martha? Sidney?
STUDENT
(impatiently) I am Sir but that ticking.. I think it could be a..
TUTOR
Step sixical. Play with your languagery. List funny sounding words or soundidgeries. For example: Ploop, Twump, Mumpet, Bogi-wog and Plooticup.
STUDENT
(getting worried) I'm still hearing ticki-wicki-ing Sir!
TUTOR
Step Eight. Mix your sketch up a bit – don't be afraid to play around with the order. But you should always go back and put in the bits you missed to stop your audience from getting confused. Step number seven: End on a high note. You need a strong joke or punchline at the end. If you can't think of either of these then try something which is a lot less clever but is very loud and visual - you want your sketch to go out with a bang!
STUDENT
(panic stricken) I do believe the ticking is coming from under your desk Sir
TUTOR
Really, oh it looks as if it's a… (He looks under the desk) Oh no need to panic, it's just a giant clock. How did that get there? Anyway back to the lesson.. Step Nine: Have a twist, don't allow your audience to guess the end. Lead them into a false sense of security. Then finally last but by no means least - Step Ten… Remember the double bluff (The clock explodes with a loud BANG.. everything goes up in a cloud of smoke)