Popcorn

INT. A CINEMA - NIGHT

A girl and boy take their seats next to each other. The boy has a bucket of popcorn. They begin to watch the film. After a moment the boy takes out a swiss army knife from his pocket and starts to cut a hole in the bottom of the bucket. It makes a fair bit of sawing noise and popcorn is going all over the place. People start shushing.

GIRL
What are you doing?

BOY
Nothing, nothing. You get back to the film

Girl turns back to the screen and boy finishes cutting his hole. He then unzips his fly on his pants.

BOY
(Under his breath)
Bugger. No buttons.

He looks around cautiously and then stands up and and pulls his pants and underpants down, using the bucket to cover himself. People in the cinema start shouting stuff like "What's going on?" and "Sit down!" and "Oh my god!". Girl turns to him.

GIRL
What the hell are you doing?

BOY
Nothing, it's fine. It's all under control. Just watch the film.

She turns back to the film again. Boy sits down with his pants around his ankles and puts the popcorn bucket on his crotch. Then he taps girl on the arm.

BOY
(Whisper)
Want some popcorn?

GIRL
(Whisper)
Yes please

Girl goes to take some popcorn with her metal hook for a hand.

That joke is well past it's sell by date.

Oh I know that. The joke here is that it's blatantly obvious what he's up to.

That doesn't come over a twist at the end would help?

Yeah, quite a non-sketch really. It's like filming somebody go to the DIY store, buy shelves, then leave. It's matter-of-fact what he is doing but it doesn't make it interesting.

Try again, because the build up is great, all you need is a twist in the tail I reckon. (ie: it turns out to be salted popcorn and he's Jewish)

Or something funnier!! haha

May be she deliberatley pours hot butter in it?

Or she doesn't take any but the stereotypical male rapist next to him does?

Ok I have a few ideas for a twist then. Let me know which you think is the best.

Girl has a metal hook for a hand.

Girl offers it to a big bloke in front of them dressed in leather. He looks at the boy wearing no pants and then agrees.

Girl offers it to some kids in front of them who decide to 'bob for popcorn'

Guy looks disappointed, eats some himself, realises it's salty when he wanted sweet, so goes back and asks for a swap.

Someone in the distance says "I'll have some"

Girl shouts "free popcorn", a stampede of people crowd around him and when it all clears, boy looks down, looks terrified and shouts "oh my god. where has it gone??"

Or any other suggestions you may have?

Got it.

Lose most of the build up (but you know what he's done - he's drilled a hole in the bottom etc.) he offers her popcorn and she smiles knowingly. She puts her hand in and then spends ages with her hand in the bucket looking for something that she can't find. Man looks sad.

Tom's one is ace.

But the metal hook is f**king ace, it would make an amazing strip cartoon.

I don't know what to make of this sketch at all. But I did accidentally ask my wife once in the cinema if she wanted some cockporn. We giggled all the way through rest of the movie.

You can't use that though, it's in my new sitcom. So nyer.

Least you didn't call her a hotdog.

Sorry to go against the flow but I like this one just the way it is, good job Chris

I read the original post before the edits and I think that this version is much better. Good work

The version at the top of the thread as I write this, with the hook, made me laugh out loud.

Ah good stuff.

Cheers for the comments gang.