MANAGER
Janice, I am afraid there have been complaints.
JANICE
Oh dear.
MANAGER
A Mr. Hopkins was less than happy with your response to his enquiry about his no-claims bonus.
FX: Click.
JANICE (RECORDING)
(SULTRY) What are you wearing? I am not wearing anything.
FX: Click.
JANICE
It can get rather stuffy
MANAGER
Then there was Mr. Jones, who contacted us to report that he had been in a rear-end collision with a Nissan Primera.
FX: Click.
JANICE (RECORDING)
You are a naughty boy! What you need is a spanking.
FX: Click.
JANICE
He had admitted liability.
MANAGER
And Mrs Arbuthnot, who rang to enquire if there was any excess to pay.
FX: Click.
JANICE (RECORDING)
Only if hubbie wants to watch.
FX: Click.
JANICE
She's a nerve. The names she called me! And her a vicar's wife!
MANAGER
The call centre you worked in previously, it wasn't by any chance a premium rate service?
JANICE
Sometimes I forget.
MANAGER
In the light of these complaints we thought it prudent to contact the other customers you had dealt with. Ninety-nine per cent described themselves as partly, completely or utterly satisfied.
JANICE
What a relief!
MANAGER
Yes, a number of them said that.
JANICE
So I am not fired?
MANAGER
Good grief no. You are our employee of the month. The Chairman himself wants to congratulate you.
JANICE
In person?
MANAGER
No he'll call. He wants to try out his hands-free set. Oh, and Janice, there's a message for you. The Reverand Arbuthnot asks if you could ring back to discuss third party cover for his wife.
END.
Loved the pace and the punchlines. Good one